“I’ve had a gay crush on my high school teacher for years now”

I am a female high school senior, and I’ve had a crush on my female teacher since tenth grade (I’m not out to many people yet). She’s single and 17 years older than me. I’ve been trying to get rid of this crush for years, but it won’t budge, even after I stopped taking her class. She’s just so ideal to me: smart, funny, interesting, and pretty … I really fell hard for her and it sucks. I am pretty sure she suspects I like her, but she ignores it (like she should). We have a pretty good professional relationship, and sometimes we talk about our outside lives.

I’ve been mentally debating a lot about whether or not I should just tell her how I feel on the last day. I don’t want her to return my feelings, but rather I think it will give me the closure to get over it and move on in college.However, I am concerned about:

  • A third party overhearing and misinterpreting the situation, putting her reputation, job, and career in danger.
  • I am not sure how she will react to me actually confirming it out loud. I know she won’t be like, “ew, gay,” but i still don’t want to cause her any emotional strains for my benefit.
  • I don’t want to make things awkward between us if I ever run into her again (we live in a small town).
  • But then again, I really do like her, and I want to get it off my chest once and for all.

What would you do? If you think I should tell her, how should I do so?

4 thoughts on ““I’ve had a gay crush on my high school teacher for years now”

  1. Anonymous says:

    That is a toughie. She actually could be in trouble for this conversation. I would ask if she would like to have coffee AFTER you graduate. That way you don’t put her in a difficult situation where she might go to jail and lose her job.

    I wish you good luck and want you to know that after you graduate high school and start college you will meet many more lesbians. It’s much easier once you have escaped to the bigger world from a small town. College is a whole different world. I never really made girl friends in high school, but in college it was easy, because unlike in a high school or small town it’s no longer a popularity contest and most people don’t care what you are doing or whom, because they are busy living their own lives, careers and so on.

  2. Anonymous says:

    #1 on behalf of all teachers good work on not forcing the issue. Even if she does nothing wrong but it appears she may have then she could lose her job, healthcare, and possibly pension which many count on.

    #2 forbidden love always heightens the excitement. I know several teachers who have married former students but they waited to date until a few years after college graduation. It still is a little weird but at least by then you have a degree, job, and have been adulting for a while so you have more of a shot being equals. I think everyone can relate to feeling like they’re going to explode if you don’t say something but a) you won’t b) even on the last day or summer you still are a student in her eyes c) peer relationships are different than teacher/student ones and sometimes take a bit to sort out.

    #3 the good news is that living in a small town you have an excellent shot of running into her again. If she feels the same and wants to risk everything in #1 so be it. But let her make the first move she has way more to lose.

    Good luck!

  3. Dennis Hong says:

    If you just want to tell her just so you can move on, and you don’t expect anything to come from it, then sure, tell her on your last day.

    If you have any hope — even if it’s a long shot — of something ever happening, then wait until after you’ve graduated. I’d even say to come back at the start of the next school year, as by then, it will be easier for her to see you not as a student, but as more of a peer.

    Besides, speaking as an ex-teacher, it was always nice when former students came back to visit. If nothing else, she’ll appreciate the gesture.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Hey! I’m a college freshman, and lesbian, and I was completely, hopelessly in love with one of my teachers in high school. Through all four years. She was just so caring, and smart, and sexy!

    But my advice is, do not act on it. It’s painful, but if you love someone you need to let them go if it could potentially hurt them. That conversation definitely can, so it’s important to consider that.

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