I really just cannot stand my boyfriend’s mom, Carol, anymore. My boyfriend (Bobby) and his parents live together, so I see her a lot when I come over and if I stay there while he is at work. His mom doesn’t work, so I would spend time with her a lot if it was just us two at home. So, I thought we were close or getting close.
On Halloween, she said the most inappropriate joke. So, she had just gotten off the phone with her youngest daughter, Jan. Jan just told her that Marcia (the oldest daughter) said that Carol did not want to go trick or treating anymore, but Carol had said it was Marcia’s idea. So, after the phone call, Bobby went into the living room where she was and asked her why she even puts up with Marcia. He doesn’t like his sister. Carol says, it’s because she wants to see her grand kids and that she would be like that with us too, but “Piper isn’t having kids out of wedlock. Piper doesn’t do stuff before marriage, except have sex.” She was speaking about me.
That was not only inappropriate, but I feel it was an attack on my character. I’m not really up for that.
Bobby is really close with his mom, but I just can’t stand her right now. I feel she pretty much called me a slut. Her son is my first boyfriend and first everything. She knows he is my first boyfriend. She knows I love him.
And, you can say that she didn’t mean it in a mean way, but right after she said it, he told her it was inappropriate, and she said nothing. Then a few minutes later, while I was crying in the bedroom, he told her again it was inappropriate. She said to him that she was sorry and that she was upset about the whole Marcia thing.
My problem is that, she hasn’t apologised to me. And I am obviously bothered. She shows no signs of doing so either. I don’t even want to visit his place anymore because I would see her and feel so hurt. Also, Bobby is in the middle, and I hate that because I feel bad for him seeing as I don’t want anything to do with his mother anymore.
LemonVibe 
This could be a few different things. She might feel threatened by your taking her son away if he is the youngest. Alt is that she heard it somewhere, stuck it in there without thinking it through and now she feels horrible about it and can’t face you. Or maybe she is truly being horrible but not knowing her I couldn’t say. What is important however is your feelings and point of view and your boundaries. Don’t let it affect you in any way other than how you view her and your relationship. If this is important to you then you should either say it or have your bf say it and leave it for her to clarify her position.
I’m sorry but all you can control is yourself and your reaction so just be true to yourself and if she is someone who wants to be in your life she can take the actions she needs to.
Props to your boyfriend for talking to her about it. I see so many advice columns where the significant other won’t stand up for the writer.
Big up to your biyfriend for defending you, especially when it invloved standing up to his mother. Maybe you should talk to the mother and tell her how you feel. Somehow the two of you have to remember that you both love your boyfriend, who also happens to be her son.
Without knowing anything else about your relationship to this woman, I think you have to let this one go. That is to say, taken as an isolated incident, and without any context from other interactions, I think you’re reacting way more harshly than is warranted here.
Yeah, it might be a passive-aggressive dig at your sexuality. Yeah, she might be insinuating something catty here. But, I don’t think it’s enough for you to say that you “just can’t stand her.”
If this is the first time she’s ever said anything like this, I think you have to file it away … for now. If it happens again, then yes, it might be worth bringing it up. But if it’s a one-time incident, I think you’re better off just letting it go. Or doing your best to let it go. Because I know how hard that can be.