When I was young boy (around 5) a girl a year older made me kiss her on the ass. I was really uncomfortable with it, but she said I had to and so I did. I don’t think it would have been such a big deal to me, but shortly after she told everyone that I had done it against her will. I thought I was going to go to jail or be arrested or something, but obviously nobody believed her.
I felt really guilty and bad about it for many years, but eventually managed to forget about it entirely after my family moved to another city. Now I’m 17 years old, and recently met up with other people that were in my class, and all of this was stirred up. Even though it seems like a childish thing now, I still feel all mixed up about it. For some reason I have never felt comfortable enough to tell anybody about it. I don’t know if I should contact the person and talk about it, talk with friends about it, keep trying to convince myself that it wasn’t a big deal, or just ignore it. I’m not sure if that is some kind of unintentional child-child abuse, or what to do to about these persistent feelings. I suppose any ol’ input or advice would be appreciated.
3 thoughts on ““I’m still uncomfortable about something that happened to me when I was five years old””
If you were five, and the other person was six, I really don’t think either of you were old enough to understand the implications of those actions. I honestly don’t think this would fall under the category of abuse by any means.
At the same time, if you are feeling traumatized by it still, you may want to consider seeking out a therapist. It might behoove you to get a professional’s opinion on this.
I definitely understand how you feel. When I was younger, a similar event happened to me (a man I knew made me look at his junk and sometimes told me to touch it) I was only like 5 or 6 at the time. I’m 16 now, and sometimes I think back to those times and wonder if it was real or not as the memories are so foggy now. The discomfort comes because you never talked about it so you never had closer. You wonder if it’s even worth bringing up now since it happened so long ago but at the same time, it’s something you’ve always wanted to get off your chest. Topics like this are very touchy to people (i can image how hard it would be for a teenage boy) since society tells you to hush about it. Honestly, if it still bothers you that much, I would say speak up. Pick one person you really trust and know won’t judge you and just pour your heart out. Having things bottled up inside can keep you from making certain choices and essentially control your life. Get it off your chest, I promise you’ll feel much better once you’ve been heard. I know I did. Hope that helped, Good luck 🙂
Honestly, I would say that it isn’t a big deal. At such young ages, there could be a variety of reasons that event transpired the way it did, and, unless you happen to decide to contact her, you won’t know for sure. If anything, I would say the issue lies more in why she asked you to do it to begin with and less in why you did it, but for the sake of addressing your lingering guilt over it, ask yourself why did you do it? And what is it about the act that made you feel guilty for so long? I mean, she is the one who forced herself on you – you didn’t actually do anything wrong. You were five and easily impressionable. You understand an action like that now is unacceptable, whether you are being forced or forcing someone to do something they don’t want to, so I say let it go.