“My girlfriend imagines us married”

I have been dating my girlfriend for four and a half years. We are now both sophomores that attend different colleges (about an hour and a half away from each other). I can’t seem to tell if I have just grown comfortable with a relationship of over four years, or if I really do still want to be with her.

In addition, we have so many other ties to each other that are making this decision extremely difficult. We share the same friend group back home, I practically grew up with her, my family pretty much already considers her my future wife, and I am also fairly close to her family.

I recently met another girl (a senior) in one of my classes, who I am pretty much infatuated with. We talk regularly, and I am not sure what to do. Also, I know this is wrong of me, but this new girl isn’t even more attractive than my current girlfriend. There is just something about her that I am completely driven to pursue.

She has a particular vibe that makes me feel the way I felt when I first started dating my current girlfriend. First of all, she is a senior and I am a sophomore, so that may cause complications after she graduates. Also, my current girlfriend imagines us getting married, but I feel as though I am a bit young to truthfully consider that right now. The worst part is I have made our relationship appear as though nothing is wrong, and we are doing just fine, while at the same time I am battling with this internal conflict.

I am stuck and don’t know what the right thing to do is. What if I break up with the girl I’ve known my whole life, get with the new girl I have met, and find out she is not what I expected? I am thinking about the “grass is always greener on the other side” argument. I know it is wrong to make sure I have one foot secured in one boat before I step into another, but over the last couple weeks this is where I have found myself. I am not sure what kind of responses I will receive, but i figured any response is better than none. Thank you guys.

3 thoughts on ““My girlfriend imagines us married”

  1. Sam says:

    You should take the new girl out of your equation entirely, and as best you can, try to figure out if you still want to keep your current relationship. Four years is definitely long enough to get comfortable and “settled” with a person. That same old spark might not be there anymore, the “honeymoon period” is over. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The problem seems to be that you’re both on different pages as to where the relationship is, she’s thinking marriage and you’re not. Maybe you should have a discussion with her about this. In my opinion (even though it might be uncomfortable/awkward) she should get a chance to know how you’re feeling and possibly work things out so that you’re both happy in the relationship again. If in the end it doesn’t work out with your gf, and you do move on with this other girl, at least you’ll know that you did everything you could to make the relationship work and didn’t just get out because a new girl was more tempting. Also your new relationship will be based on a clean break, no regrets. I hope any of that was helpful and whatever happens turns out well for you. goodluck

  2. Soohia says:

    I know it seems like there are so many factors to ending a relationship but you have to forget everything except for how you feel about them. And if you don’t know, if it’s not completely apparent that you love her, then it might be time to take a step back. Give her a chance to find someone who really genuinely and whole heartedly cares about her and chance for yourself to find someone you care about. Giver yourself and your girlfriend a real chance to be happy.

  3. lisa says:

    Yes, the grass always appears greener on the other side. My ex dumped me unexpectedly after nearly a year together. We had a really good relationship initially and then he would start getting moody and irritated by me. I then noticed he had another girls images on his phone and i think he cheated on me as well. I did try to tell him that it was a bad idea but he had no intentions of staying. I haven’t heard from him in about 4 months. He still hasn’t found anyone and it looks like that initial excitement of being single has died a death for him. I am now seeing how things go with someone else but it isn’t the same as what we had. It’s a shame but i wouldn’t go back with him now even though i still love him. He hurt me, he’s left it too long and he clearly, doesn’t feel the same. His mum said he was an idiot and i thought the same. Not because im so special but because i loved him unconditionally, i would have done anything for him. He, too, had internal conflicts. I saw us together in the future and he would turn the conversation around, he wanted that before and then all of a sudden, he wasn’t half as interested. He back tracked on everything he had told me and i became miserable. I wanted normal things with him, but in time, marriage, kids etc…in years when we were financially stable and had had a great time together and YES you will get comfortable and YES you will find other girls hot, interesting and wonder, what if? but is it worth losing your current girlfriend? Marriage, im sure, she would prefer further down the line, take it easy, talk to her about this. You don’t need to get married nor have kids but it needs to be discussed. You have every right to say what YOU want, it is your life and if marriage isn’t your thing, don’t be pressured, ok? You need to read up a little and think this scenario through in your head, don’t get caught up in feelings with this other girl, i, personally have been there and it is a bad, bad idea. This is a tricky one but you need to sort out your feelings. Every relationship is different..some people give you butterflies for eternity, some, that dies a little, some, you’re really comfortable with, some, it’s initially very awkward…it depends on what you are looking for. You need to clear your head and analyse how you feel about your relationship now and in the future and where you see it going and if it will make you happy. She has to make you happy, f*ck everything else, the ties, the family etc. Does SHE make you happy? Go from there…i wish you a huge amount of luck! I am sure you will come to the best decision for you both, just take your time in thinking it through, no crazy decisions!

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