Ii never had a healthy relationship — not with my parents, who were so toxic to be around, nor with guys. To be honest, many guys are attracted to me, but they wouldn’t if they knew the real me. I deal with depression — like every year, I spend at least 5 months not moving from my room, just crying and with no interest in life.
Plus I always put vodka in everything. It gives me a little interest in life, and I’m NEVER interested in guys who like me. I only like people who are indifferent to me . What’s wrong with me ?
LemonVibe 
Here’s a odd question, but do you like you? You are depressed and all I’ve heard is bad things in two short paragraphs. Another person will not be able to fix you. You may need to find a counselor or talk to your religious leader (father/pastor/ect).
Also alcohol is a depressant. It makes things worse in the long run.
First thing is first. Write a list of things about you that you like and put it where you can see it everyday. Then find the counselor.