“I think my boyfriend is gay”

I think my boyfriend is gay? Have been with him for 6 months and tried to have sex, but he could not keep it up. And then he asked me to Google the bus timetable, and I found gay porn on his phone, then Grindr, where he download it, then took it off his phone, then downloaded it again. But I did not tell him. He wants to move in together. But he has not tried to have sex again since. When he was younger, he thought he was gay, but said he found out he like women. What do I do?

3 thoughts on ““I think my boyfriend is gay”

  1. Anonymous says:

    He might be bi, but you need to talk to him. He’s not being honest with you and you need to be honest with him.

  2. titanianbluebird says:

    He obviously likes you, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay or bi. But it sounds like he doesn’t know where he stands yet. If he has a hard time being aroused by you, it certainly has nothing to do with you- he’s either more turned on by men, or he finds women sexually intimidating (which can be a real ‘man killer’ if you know what I mean). Likewise, wanting to move in with you could be one of two things: either he is using you as a beard because he can’t accept his own homosexuality, or he is hoping that a closer, more comfortable, i.e. socially tied, space will make it easier for him to connect with you physically. On that last part, if getting comfortable is his goal before having sex, he might be right- moving in together would make everything peachy- but what if he’s wrong? What if you move in together and he still has a hard time getting comfortable and aroused? Now you have a lease together…what are either of you going to do? He can’t bail because he realizes he likes men more without leaving you in a lurch. Furthermore, if he can’t figure out his issues but continues to be with you- you are left in a lease with a man that ostensibly likes you very much, but which is never turned on by you. How would you feel about that? Relationships can work in a lot of different ways, don’t get me wrong. But I advise against anyone signing contracts under such ambiguous circumstances.

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