I’m 40, my son is 19, & his girlfriend is 18. They have an infant son. In an effort to keep this short, I’ll try my best to give a nutshell version, but will elaborate on anything if need be.
Their relationship was dramatic, as she got pregnant as soon as they met. Constant fighting & breaking up, as we got to know her we all realized she has a major mental problem. I don’t mean that in a bad spirited way, the girl needs legitimate help. She admits to being manipulative and having uncontrollable “personality” mood swings in which she does things impulsively & selfishly. She involves everyone she possibly can in her attention circus, calling out to people who have no clue what’s even going on. Literally everyone I know that isn’t her family has told me they get a bad feeling or vibe around her & she makes them uncomfortable. She treats and speaks to her parents like dogs, which my son used to hate but is recently resorting to.
Since the baby was born and a paternity test proved he was the dad, he’s wanted a family. I encouraged that, thinking giving her more love may help her get her head worked out. All was forgiven and I gave her another chance. For 2 months, while she breastfed, she was great. Sweet, caring, did a really good job with the baby. Once that tether was gone, she slowly went back to her old self. Started smoking again, drinking, partying, and running around. Her younger sister took on the role of caring for the baby. She started college, and soon began cheating on my son with a study partner.
She told him about it, and that she wasn’t happy with him anymore and wanted to be with this guy. This hurt my son badly, and he begged and pleaded then proposed & gave her a ring. She accepted & the very next night he caught her with that same guy at a party, her ring in the glovebox of her car. He was mature and told them they deserved each other, and we all assumed that was that.
Then she manipulated him back into her life, using the baby as a pawn. His father and I really did not like this, but kept our mouths shut for his happiness sake. Two weeks later, several other dramatic things happened, but I held my tongue because my son wanted me to be nice to her.
Yesterday she randomly wanted to ride with me to the grocery store. While there she got all weird & asked to use my phone because hers was almost dead. Three minutes later the pit of my stomach was telling me she was in my text messages. And she was. I got my phone back but didn’t say anything because I had my youngest son with me too, and honestly, I didn’t know what to do short of really snapping on this girl in a public place.
So we get back home and she jumps in my son’s truck & demands he take her home. I tell my husband what happened, and we realize she’s read a rant from earlier that day between my niece and I about her. She had asked me about a snotty comment made on social media and it went on from there. But in my private text messages, with my trustworthy niece, on MY phone, the things said were not nice, as I was reeling from recent events & took that opportunity to vent my frustrations. But it was all the truth. The cold, hard, ugly truth. But true nonetheless — and my opinions which we are all entitled to.
We also recalled last winter when she lost her nanny position by confronting her employers, who were doctors, about them talking trash about her and discussing their complaints about her on THEIR private messages between each other. Her excuse for finding this particular treasure? The one-year-old was playing with the iPad and it just magically “popped up”. I said wait and see, this is what she will say now.
And sure enough, my son comes home later to be extremely disrespectful and call me a two faced liar for talking bad about her behind her back. Didn’t want to listen to us or try to see how this is wrong and psycho of her, how there’s no possible way she accidentally got into my texts. She told him while she had my phone, my texts “popped up.” Not just my texts, but a particular conversation I’d had at least four hours prior with my niece which required some digging and scrolling on her part.
He believed her every insane word. Then proceeded to say he no longer wants me in his life, and I’ll never see my grandson again. He lives here, but packed a bag of clothes and left. Of course we tried to reason with him but it was eerily like we were talking to her, not him. I have second guessed myself ever since and racked my brain trying to figure out if I’m in the wrong. That was my private thoughts that any human in my position would have, meant for one person who understands and supports me. Every time this girl has screwed up or disrespected me I’ve taken her back for his sake and my grandson. I’ve bent over backwards, and still she doesn’t show the least bit of respect or courtesy, as if the world owes her everything and we should cater to her every whim.
Now she’s invaded my privacy and twisted it around to turn my son and her family against me. She posted on social media some bit like “I’m a lot happier now that I don’t have to worry about pleasing anybody” with the praise hands emoji. She feels no wrong in this at all, and even sent me a nasty little victory speech echoing my son’s hateful words and swearing I’ll never be a part of “their family” again.
I’m at a total loss here. I love my son and grandson with my whole heart, but I can’t put up with craziness like that without at least having the right to either speak my mind or vent about it!
Am I wrong? I know they’re immature and everything, but seriously, everyone I know says this girl takes the cake in drama & crazy, and we were warned by several people early on to basically prepare for war. I want to do the right thing here morally, but I cannot go along with crazy foolishness just to keep HER pleased. I want my son to be happy, and I know she makes him miserable, but he wants a life with his son, and I understand that.
I don’t know what to do — so bad that I just found this place to get unbiased advice from strangers. So, hi! And thank you if you decide to put your two cents in.
3 thoughts on ““I can’t handle my son’s crazy girlfriend””
At this point all you can do is be there for your son, because this will implode. I would talk to a lawyer as to what your rights are as the grandparent and his as the father.
Oh and one more thing, put pass words on all your electrical devices. Two if possible. That way if she or your son gets a hold of one and wants “the password” you can keep them out of your private communications.
It sounds like she is manipulative and emotionally abusive. It’s really really hard to get through to someone who is under than kind of influence. I’d recommend you read up on relationship abuse, and maybe it’ll help you understand why your son stays with her despite how she treats him and everybody around him. Maybe this will help you find a way to get through to him.