I’m 18, and my boyfriend is almost 23. We’ve been together over a year, and I have problems with wild emotions and mediocre depression, serious anxiety, and general bad emotional management.
Six months ago, I cut myself. By cut, I mean one small scratch across my wrist that scabbed and scarred — really nothing serious.
However, the principle of self-harm really upset my boyfriend, and he made me promise not to do it again. Of course, I said I wouldn’t, because I really believed I didn’t need to, and it hadn’t made me feel better, so why would I?
But here we are — we had another outrageously painful fight, and I did the same thing again. Except now, I can’t brush it off with “it was a one time thing,” because it clearly wasn’t.
I can’t not tell him, because he will find out. But how do I convince him that this doesn’t mean all the improvements I’ve made in taking control of my crazy emotions were a loss? If I did it twice, I can do it again, but that will obviously put unfair strain on our relationship.
So what do I do? What do I tell him? Do I say I’ll get better? That’s not enough anymore, because that’s what I said last time. Is there some kind self-harm recovery tactic I can “implement” and use to show him I’m taking action? Or is that a waste of my time?
Is the real issue my emotions? How do I show him this doesn’t erase all the progress I’ve made when I very clearly broke a promise to him?
I don’t know what to do. I can’t bear the idea of him feeling like self-harm is going to become a problem for me. I can’t bear the idea of how upset he’s going to be. I need something to prove he doesn’t need to give up on me.