Perhaps this isn’t quite exactly the ideal topic for this particular forum but a casual sex relationship is a type of relationship; as much as any other relationship (family, dating, friends) right?

To be completely up-front about it, I’ve never had casual sex. All of my sexual encounters (intercourse) have been with women I’ve been in relationships with (meaning we were exclusively dating or in love).

Between girlfriends I’ll date. Occasionally comes a woman where we have some chemistry and we’ll have passionate episodes; making out, touching and sometimes getting as far as getting naked in bed but it never gets any further than that.

It’s been about a year since my last serious relationship meaning that it has been a similar length of time since I last had sex.

And I’m fed up with it.

I have urges like everyone else. I just want to have sex. Obviously though I’m not going to just go somewhere and pay for it (no, I don’t live in Vegas). I’d still like it to be with someone I have some sort of “connection” with even if it is just a physical/lust connection.

So, how do I go about this? How do I have casual sex? Where do I go to meet someone who is just looking for the same thing; casual partner or one-night stand? (I’ll go ahead and say I’m not a fan of going to clubs so I figure that is going to greatly limit my options).

I do also want to add that I’ve been on a couple dates with this one girl who I am very attracted to, and I believe she is me but sometimes the signs are difficult to recognize. How do I find out if she’s willing to “go all the way” without ruining the potential of future dates (as I do enjoy spending time with her)?

Our friend came home from work about two weeks ago to her boyfriend of the last five years packing her stuff telling her to get out. The short version is that he’s been unhappy for a year or so. He isn’t much of a talker and part of the reason this was a blind side was because he isn’t straightforward with his feelings. The point is, talking is past.

She’s mostly moved out and back into her parent’s place. They’re away on a cruise so she’s alone. She also has two weeks off of work so she doesn’t really have to be anywhere. So she stays home mostly.

Yesterday was her birthday and she wouldn’t leave the house to do anything. My wife brought her cake and wine and the gifts we got her, but she just wanted to stay home and grieve.

I know there is a grieving period, but how can we quickly move thru the depression stage and straight to anger? I know her, once she’s angry the rest will be fine.

I know typically men tend to date women younger than them, while women tend to date men older than them. I’m just wondering how men feel about this. I’m 22 and I usually find myself dating or in relationships with men who are closer to 30. I personally don’t care at all, but was wondering how men would feel if they were in this situation.

Do you expect the same from the relationship, or do you take age into account? I’m thinking right now of splitting things financially (dates, etc? Most of the time, I’ll pay just as much and as often, but sometimes its hard on me. Yet I don’t like bringing it up because it just makes me sound young).

I’m finished with college, but not established in a career, and I probably won’t be for another few years. Also, when I get matched up online with men who list “sexually mature and knowledgeable/experienced” as a Must-Have, I’m left wondering if I’m supposed to be easy because at my age, that’s the only way I could gain the experience. Or, are they saying they would want me to be sexually mature, knowledgeable, and experienced for a 22-year-old?

I’m guessing that it doesn’t matter that much because if someone likes me then they like me, period… but opinions would be appreciated!

I dated this guy for about 2 years and we recently broke up. I initiated the break up (because frankly I was bored; maybe that’s bad of me but that will be for another post). Nonetheless, he was my best friend for those 2 years, and good friend even before we started dating. There are so many times now that I want to ask him for advice, or tell him something funny that happened during the day, etc. We have spoken here and there (like a “how are you” type conversation) but I may want more .. like to officially be friends again. Is it possible? Or will he, or I, become entangled in confusing emotions?

I work in a place with a lot of guys who are 1-3 years younger than me. They’re mostly friends outside of work, or at least know each other and occasionally frequent the same parties. Every day it seems like they’re talking about something that happened outside of work. When we’re all there, working and hanging out, it’s really a lot of fun. Never fully seems like work to me because I enjoy the atmosphere so much.

But tonight, I was invited to hang out with them… outside of work. First time! It sounds really lame but I definitely want to go. Is that weird? Are they THAT much younger than me? (23 vs. 19-21). It will definitely be hard to go from work friend to friend friend, but I really do want to. I decided not to go tonight, but the question still stands. How do I make the jump without it being awkward, if they ask again?

Oh yeah, one last piece of info… I’m their boss.

So I have been thinking a lot about this after I watched 500 Days of Summer for the second or third time through. And one particular quote caught my attention that Summer told Tom at the breaking point of Tom’s (frankly pathetic) few months of depression in regards to meeting her husband:

“So, what if I’d gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I’d gotten there 10 minutes later? It was – it was meant to be. And… I just kept thinking… Tom was right.”

It got me to thinking about the last girlfriend that I had and how we met. I distinctly remember turning down three different parties of people who invited me to see Transformers 3 that night. I was kind of on the fence with the first invite but I declined because… A 3rd one? Are you serious? The second invite was a bit more tempting because a few cute girls were going but I declined because… People actually like Shia Labeouf? Does he hold the Guinness Book of World Records for the most vowels ever in a last name? Has his name ever shown up on the National Spelling Bee? ‘Cause that shit’s ridiculous. And finally the third invite I declined simply because of principle.

After all of that another friend invited me to go play some billiards with him at his apartment. I quickly accepted… mostly due to the allure of him saying “billiards” instead of “pool.” And there I met this girl and blah blahblah blahblah.

If I got married to that girl, that would be a pretty crazy story, no? If I ever got to talk to Zooey De…sch…anel…? (Okay, seriously, these celebrity names are getting way out of control.) She would likely “aww” at the story and say that it was meant to be. We were soul mates.

So, down to the meat of it all, is that not just… life? I could conjure up a ridiculous, coincidental story like that with me meeting absolutely anyone. So, because that girl and I hypothetically got married, that particular story which would match up with thousands of others in my life in incredulity suddenly becomes meaningful?

I take public transportation from time to time and I am often plagued by the notion that if I talked to everyone I saw on this train, I very well likely could meet my future wife, or my future best friend, or my future someone who can walk my dog when I am on vacation. So… why don’t I? Oh yeah, because that’s just weird, man… But, but… dude! The most incredible woman you will ever meet in your life could be sitting right across from you in that cute Rutgers sweater and sunglasses that make her look like some sort of insect! And you are going to pass on that opportunity just because you are afraid she will think you are some sort of 20 year old serial killer who happens to only prey on girls that are exactly like her in every single way by asking what she majored in at Rutgers?

So, how about it, interwebs? Do you believe there is a soul mate for all of us? And to give it my best shot at trying to avoid any religious debacles here, anyone is welcome to substitute “soul mate” for “the one individual on this planet who is the exact carbon copy of whatever you desire and/or need in another human being” but frankly, that is just a pain in the ass, but the option is still available.

But more importantly, if there is this person, how much effort should we all put forth into finding this individual? Both extremes are bad… I could obsess over finding the “perfect” person, never being satisfied. But I have also heard the argument many times that “you should never purposefully look for the relationship, the relationship will come to you.” But would it really kill ya so much as to just start up friendly banter with that cute man you happen to see in the park throwing a frisbee to his black lab? Or that lady who has the audacity to walk into a Starbucks in pajama pants? Or that Rutgers girl? Oh, but you say the chance is one in the million? Well, to this I reply with the question that may very well doom humanity (and my Saturday nights spent alone pondering in the dark munching on my Wheat Thins)… What if?

We’ve all lived and learned. We have all had our share of good relationships, bad relationships and the ones that really just fall under the “learning experience” category. But with every relationship, some lesson is learned, right? So, tell us three pieces of love advice that everyone should know. If you were going to give your brother, sister, best friend, or complete stranger three things that they could really take to heart when it came to love…what would they be?

Wow. This is probably the first time my blurb title has ever precisely provided a complete meaning of the question without any further explanation needed on my part.

But that doesn’t save you from me getting wordy and additionally descriptive.

Perhaps a better question would actually be if the gender roles still exist, and if they do (which I’m sure is the case in some relationships) does it really matter?

It’s a new age. This isn’t the era of ‘Mad Men’. Commercials for laundry soap are being marked towards the Stay-at-Home-Dad. Being able to cook has become “cool”. Women going hunting has become “hot”. Are there still some expectations for us to maintain some gender-oriented items despite them being out-of-date?

So, if you’re looking for a relationship how much of a Man’s Man are you looking for. How much of a Girly Girl is being enough?

Do you expect your boyfriend/husband/boyfriend to prepare dinner when you’re working late? Do you mind that your wife/girlfriend can clean your clock (and wallet) at poker?

How about when courting? Does it really matter these days who asks who out? Who makes the first call? Who approaches whom? *again remember we are trying to throw away all conventionality*

I’m fairly unhappy with my job. I know the first thing people do is say “at least you have a job”.

Don’t do that, it’s dismissive.

Anyway, in my position I really don’t have equal level colleagues to vent to, just subordinates. So I’ll share the stress that this is causing me with my wife, needing to talk to somebody.

I’m now sure that I’m causing her a great deal of stress with all of this. I want to talk about it and get it out, but I don’t want to bring her down with me.

What experiences have you had with this sort of thing?

I am simultaneously terrified and extremely desiring of the thing that I want most out of life.

The scariest thing right now, is that I can choose to have it, or not. That’s right, you guessed it, it’s love.

So first off, let’s talk about this choice thing. I have always thought that you do in fact have a good bit of control over who you love. Or I do anyway. Who you like? No choice there, that just happens naturally. But for me, when I’m into someone, I can start to feel myself slipping, and at that point, I need to make a choice. Dive in and allow myself to feel it, or back away quickly.

So about 2 months ago, I met this amazing man. I wasn’t that physically attracted to him initially (although he is by no means unattractive), but his personality shone so bright, I went with it anyway. I’m not even going to go into his amazingness, because one woman’s trash and whatnot, and y’all know what an amazing person is like to you, just interject that image here.

Even though he’s clearly expressed a strong interest in me, I’m so afraid to dive in. I have told him this. I want to get more serious with him, I want him to be a bigger part of my life, but I am just so scared of letting myself feel more than “really liking him.”

But every once in a while (okay, probably more like several times a week), I feel like I’m ready. I feel like I’m going to go over to his house, kiss him, hug him, and tell him I love him.

And I’m pretty sure he’d be really into that.

But then, something happens that makes me doubt it. Like last night. We had made very vague plans, as we tend to do, but then I never heard from him. I sent him a text around 10, asking if we were gonna hang out that night, and got no response. He texted me the next morning, apologizing, saying he went to bed right after getting home from kayaking (the thing he was gonna do right before we met up), and that he had sent a text but it didn’t come through. Okay, so this wasn’t really his fault, but it still caused me to feel disappointed and rejected all night.

And the thing is, in the 2 months we’ve been seeing each other, this type of thing has probably already happened several times.

A very related red flag: most of the casual plans we do make are of the sort where he’s doing a thing with his friends (usually kayaking), and he’ll call and hang out when he’s done. Which of course always takes longer than he thinks it will. And of course he’s always exhausted by then too. Mostly, I think the way he lives his life is great, being so active and spending so much time with his friends. Shoot, I’m jealous, I wish I had a group of friends that was so passionate about an activity that we wanted to do it together every day (sitting on the porch does not count). But I’m just starting to wonder where I fit in there. And I guess this is just another conversation he and I need to have. If he wants me in his life, maybe he can once or twice a week NOT go kayaking before hanging out with me. But then I feel like I’m asking him to change the way he lives his life (which I certainly would be), which I’m pretty sure that I’m not okay with.

So what should I do? Talk to him of course. Let him know what I’m going though, and how cancelled plans and tacking me on at the very end of the day makes me feel. Maybe we should try making more concrete plans in the future? I don’t know, that’s why I’m here.