How do I have casual sex?

Perhaps this isn’t quite exactly the ideal topic for this particular forum but a casual sex relationship is a type of relationship; as much as any other relationship (family, dating, friends) right?

To be completely up-front about it, I’ve never had casual sex. All of my sexual encounters (intercourse) have been with women I’ve been in relationships with (meaning we were exclusively dating or in love).

Between girlfriends I’ll date. Occasionally comes a woman where we have some chemistry and we’ll have passionate episodes; making out, touching and sometimes getting as far as getting naked in bed but it never gets any further than that.

It’s been about a year since my last serious relationship meaning that it has been a similar length of time since I last had sex.

And I’m fed up with it.

I have urges like everyone else. I just want to have sex. Obviously though I’m not going to just go somewhere and pay for it (no, I don’t live in Vegas). I’d still like it to be with someone I have some sort of “connection” with even if it is just a physical/lust connection.

So, how do I go about this? How do I have casual sex? Where do I go to meet someone who is just looking for the same thing; casual partner or one-night stand? (I’ll go ahead and say I’m not a fan of going to clubs so I figure that is going to greatly limit my options).

I do also want to add that I’ve been on a couple dates with this one girl who I am very attracted to, and I believe she is me but sometimes the signs are difficult to recognize. How do I find out if she’s willing to “go all the way” without ruining the potential of future dates (as I do enjoy spending time with her)?

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7 thoughts on “How do I have casual sex?

  1. DavidIsGreat says:

    [I don’t know exactly what to say about the first half of your dilemma, how to have casual sex. My guess is that if you were the type of guy to just pick up a girl for a ont night stand you would already have done it. This seems to not be your personality. You could look for a professional. Or use craigslist. Those would get the job done, but I wouldn’t exactly share that story with your kids someday. Unless it’s really funny.

    You could try to establish an arrangement with a friend or acquaintance. It’s my understanding that a lot of people like sex, so this might work. Or if you are a little more daring, don’t be so formal, just take a friend you find attractive and make a move the old fashioned way.

    As far as the last bit, with seeing how far a another person will let you go, I suggest moving forward until they tell you to stop. Wow, that sounds kinda rapey written out. What I mean is, everybody has their own speed they’re comfortable with. If you’re making out try moving forward a step at a time. If you’re going too fast they’ll tell you to stop. you’ll only go as far as the other person is willing. But it shouldn’t ruin anything if you respect that line.

  2. EricaSwagger says:

    [Well, the first step toward being someone girls want to have casual sex with is to stop saying childish things like “go all the way”.

    Okay, step number 1 accomplished? Now let’s move on.

    If you’re looking to meet someone specifically to have casual sex with, the easiest way is probably online. There, you can specify on your profile that casual sex is what you’re looking for.

    However, based on the other stuff you said, I feel like you could have been having casual sex all along, just chose not to. When you had your “passionate episodes” you clearly could have taken it further. But for whatever reason (you didn’t want to push, she said ‘no sex’ up front, your morals kept you from it), you never went “all the way”.

    Here’s an idea.
    Next time you’re in that situation. Just have sex. That’s how you have casual sex. You just… have it. Casually. As in, not in a relationship, but you’ve seen the person a few times casually… and you have sex.

    You’ve had the opportunity a few times (when you’ve ‘dated’ in between serious relationships), so you’ll have the opportunity again. The difference between having relationship sex and casual sex is taking that opportunity when it presents itself. If your lady friend doesn’t want to have sex, she wouldn’t have gotten naked in bed with you to begin with, ya dig?

    Just man up and get it.

  3. AKchic says:

    [I am a big fan of casual sex. I mean, friends with benefits are great and all, but no-strings-attached, never-gonna-see-’em-again sex is also great. Especially when I don’t connect mentally with someone, but damn am I horny and really wanting to get laid. And if the performance is lackluster, well, it means I chose well not to date the person.

    It’s time you met some like-minded folks. Whether it’s adultfriendfinder, craigslist, or whatever – the internet abounds with casual meeting opportunities. Some women will go “all the way” on a first date. You didn’t say why your dates didn’t lead to sex previously. Just said you could sometimes end up naked in bed without following through. Was she resistant or did you not initiate or what? If a female is naked in my bed, it usually means she is wanting sex (and who am I to deny her?). Same with a guy. The only guys I know of that have gotten me naked and in bed and then turned down sex are either the “I want to appear sensitive and sweet” douchebags or erectile dysfunction sufferers.

  4. karlos says:

    [Just make sure you’re really, really good at sex.

    Failing that pay someone to start a rumour that you know a secret, sexual art only known as the “hammer of god”.

    But in seriousness, not a lot of people are upfront about sex, so you’re probably not going to know if someone is just after someone casual until you know them kind of well. Or maybe it’s different in the states, the women in Britain are notoriously frigid. I’m told.

  5. lilredbmw says:

    [Casual sex is just that. Casual. Not fancy or complicated. It does sound as if in previous relationships you had the opportunity to have casual sex, but you didn’t take it for whatever reason. And while I am not saying you should have taken the opportunity, I AM saying I don’t know any girl who would lay naked in a bed and not consider having sex. So how do you have casual sex? However you managed to date previously, continue to do that and when it comes to the physical part try to take it a step further. Or a few steps further.

  6. NoSlackDelta says:

    [I think it depends on a lot of factors. The first one that came to my mind is – how old are you?

    Reason being is this – I’m not saying this to brag or anything, but I’ve had a fair amount of casual sex in my lifetime. The vast majority of it was when I was in my early-mid 20’s, serving in the military. The vast majority were druken escapades with random girls that I either never saw again, or only met up with a few more times for the purpose of hooking up. It was just easier to go out to a bar in Nashville, find someone, bring her back to the hotel room, and I think it was mostly just that age/stage of peoples lives where that happens.

    Today – I’ve just turned 30. Recently single after a year-long relationship, which started after a failed marriage. I never thought I’d say this or see the day but…..I really have zero interest in casual sex or random hookups anymore. And even if I did, I don’t know if I could do it or be as successful at it as I was 5-10 years ago. I’m kind of over the bar scene, and that scene seems to cater to younger people in general and….I don’t know….maybe its just the number “30”…..but I would feel like a creep going in to a bar and trying to pick up a 23 year old girl. But I haven’t been in to the bar scene in a long time, so maybe I’m wrong, maybe there are people my age looking for that kind of thing, but I just don’t think I’m into it anymore.

    As far as your question goes though, I don’t think there’s really any sure way to know which person is going to be up for casual sex or not. Just get out there, wherever you decide to try to meet people, and try to meet as many as possible. Cast a wide net, for lack of a better term.

  7. Solstice says:

    [With the girl you’re interested in, ask her to come over to your place for dinner, to share a bottle of wine, whatever. If I wasn’t interested in having sex with the guy, I would probably suggest doing something else instead. In my opinion, inviting a girl over is the best way to see if she’s ready to take that next step, because she knows what could happen once she’s at your place. And you can do the same thing with girls that you meet out at a bar or wherever. If you want to have casual sex with them, suggest going back to your place. If they say no, well, at least you tried. And if they say yes, then casual sex it is!

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