“I have his child and keep finding nudes on his phone”

When I was pregnant I got extremely insecure and paranoid, and starting going through my boyfriend’s phone. I had never been that girl until an ex of mine cheated and I found very upsetting things on his phone. I hadn’t felt the need to do it with my boyfriend now, until I was a month or so pregnant.

I found naked pictures from snap chat and found a bunch of cam girl websites. I got upset, he got upset that I went through his phone, we fought and then he deleted it all and said he wouldn’t do it anymore because it upset me, but that he didn’t see why it was such a big deal, it was just open to him. The rest of my pregnancy we were fine and I didn’t go through his phone. Our baby is almost 4 months old now and I’ve noticed for a while that he never ever leaves his phone in the room with me, he takes it everywhere, even if he’s just getting up to grab a drink, and sometimes I can see he is going through Facebook, but then a notification will pop up and he’ll turn the phone away from me, read something and then reply to whatever it was.

I brushed if off and tried my hardest to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt by assuming it was nothing. But recently we were both watching a video on his phone and an Instagram notification pops up on his phone and he very quickly swiped it off, but I saw what it was, his request to follow some slutty pic account was accepted.

Tonight he went to do dishes and I noticed he left his phone behind. I tried to just go about my business, but I ended up looking through it. All the accounts he says he doesn’t have, he has. Instagram, snap chat, Twitter, and they’re all filled with nude pictures. He has a huge list of cam girl websites, and the most upsetting to me, he has two apps to get nudes, one called show and one called kik. I opened one and found a message where he started a conversation with a girl to get nudes. It wasn’t very long but still hurt like hell to read. He just said ‘hi’, she said ‘hey,’ then sent a nude and then asked him if he loved it. He said ‘yea’ and she sent him a link to pay her for more, and he said he didn’t have any coins on the website to pay her with.

But they website said he has 700 now and I can only assume he is spending money to get nudes from these girls. And the girl’s account didn’t look like a professional account either, it looked like an amateur girl on her 20’s just trying to make easy money. I’m so upset right now and don’t know how to deal with it. I’m afraid he’ll just get mad that I went through his phone and try to focus on that rather than what I found on it. What do I do?



5 thoughts on ““I have his child and keep finding nudes on his phone”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Look, the trust is gone. You did wrong by going through his personal stuff. He’s taken your trust twice. Call your folks so you and the baby have some support and leave. You could fight over this, but look, you aren’t even married and taking raising a baby right is hard work. Make sure you get child support from this loser. He never was yours and never will be. He belongs to all the cam girls he paid for.

    Aim higher. You deserve better. The baby deserves better. And next time don’t even think about introducing your child to a boyfriend until the relationship is six months along. Don’t make the door on your house revolving. You are a mama now and your child deserves a stable life.

    • M. says:

      My advice, don’t take advice from someone over the internet who is suggesting you totally uproot your child’s life when they don’t know any more about you than what you have written above.

      Beyond that, talk to him. Tell him the truth about your insecurities and ask for him to talk openly about what is going on with him. This seems like a make or break time in your relationship. Set aside defensiveness and judgement. Be honest, kind and direct. If things get heated, walk away and try again later. Your child needs parents who can communicate well regardless if they live together or not.

      Take care!

  2. Anonymous says:

    I can understand why you are upset, I would be too. Because this smells of cheating, even if it is not, dishonesty, and secrets are no good in a relationship. However, people look at porn all the time, so does my boyfriend, and I personally have no problem with that, not sure how you feel about it. But for me it seems ok. This seems like just a “type” of porn. IF it is only pictures, and no actual act of cheating, im sure with some open, honest, conversation it can be solved. But you will have to accept the fact that he seems to need/want this. If you can’t accept that, which is also an understandable and acceptable answer, you will need to let him know and make him choose, but you have t be ready for the consequences of that conversation, you might end up alone with a child. ( which again, might be a better option than being in a relationship where you don’t feel loved, and can’t be honest )

  3. Anonymous says:

    I would not be ok with this. I think after she gave him a second chance and he started paying cam girls, that counts as cheating. He knew it wasn’t ok in this relationship. He knew he was on a second chance and still spent their money on cam girls. Cam girls he contacted so they are real people. Some people may argue this isn’t any different than strippers and I still consider that cheating. A last heart to heart is in order, but I agree you need to get your ducks in order now. He may be addicted to porn. A child shouldn’t be around a father addicted to porn and a relationship takes two people comprising to work. Doesn’t look like he is willing to from here, but you know him better.

    • Rach says:

      I agree that it’s cheating in this situation because each person in the relationship gets to decide what monogamy is to them. If you’ve openly talked about not wanting other girls to be a part of your sex lives then he is being unfaithful by lying and sexting. If you cannot trust him, what is left? I’m so sorry he is betraying you like this

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