“Do I marry her or is the grass greener?”

I have known this girl since we were both 12, and we’ve been together for almost 7 years now (we’re both 25). We have kind of reached that point when it’s getting strange that we are not married, or at the very least engaged. She has hinted numerous times that she wants to get married (and so have my parents and her parents, to some degree). But the idea of marriage and kids gives me full-on panic.It makes a lot of sense for us to get married. I make her happy and she allows me to be myself: happy and safe. She would also make an amazing mother (I can’t think of a better and more sensible and smart person). But for whatever reason I’m hesitant.

I’ve really only had one serious relationship, and it’s this one. She is also the only person I’ve had sex with. Lately I’ve begun to look at other women, kind of envisioning a different path. I’ve had a major crush on a girl I met a couple of months back (but I haven’t done anything about it, I don’t want to cheat on my girlfriend).

The thing I’m trying to figure out is: Am I really still in love, or am I just in this relationship because I don’t want to hurt my gf? Or is it a “the grass is always greener” situation? I would appreciate any advice you could give me.

 

2 thoughts on ““Do I marry her or is the grass greener?”

  1. Belle of the Library says:

    You’re 25. It’s really hard to setlle down without seeing first hand that the grass ISN’T necessarily greener. The question you should be asking is if you’ll feel this way at 30, married with a baby. If you’re going to leave her, do it now, while she’s young and cute and let her find someone who wants what she wants.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I wouldn’t get married until you are sure. Don’t be the man who splits from his wife and kids in middle age, because he realizes time is slipping away. If you want to go after the crush there are consequences. You lose the sure thing (the bird in hand is worth two in the bush) and your crush may never come to fruition. I can’t tell you if you will be happier without your sure thing.

    You should tell your girlfriend though. I mean, why should she waste anymore time on you when you don’t know for sure you love her after all this time? She could be out getting someone who is sure he loves her and would be there for her. The sooner she moves on from you, the faster you both will find out what you need.

    It doesn’t matter what your parents and her parents think this time. It’s not their relationship. It’s not their divorce they have to pay for eventually. Yes, it’s good that both of them love you and that they just want what’s best, but this time, you need to decide.

    Plus, why do you need to get married right now? I had a couple sets of friends get married in their twenties like I did, but the majority of them got married after they were 30. I did read a study that said men were typically happier and lived longer in good marriages, but honestly I don’t remember how big that study group is.

    Best wishes.

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