I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years, and the last year has been long distance. He is without a doubt my favorite person in my life and the best guy I know. We have so much fun together and he is incredibly kind and thoughtful – the type of guy many women dream about marrying and starting a family with.
He is completely devoted to me, but for some reason I can’t get doubts out of my head that something is not right. Even though I really love him, I’m not as attracted to him as I would like to be. This has caused a problem with our sex life because I don’t particularly want to kiss him or have sex with him. I like making him happy but I don’t get much pleasure out of it. I usually just try to please him as quickly as possible so it’s over with. I have expressed this to him and he thinks that it might just be that I’m not a very sexual person and that our relationship is fine, but I have some doubts.
I haven’t had a lot of experience outside of my boyfriend, but I know I have enjoyed kissing other men. Everything else in our relationship is great, but I’m concerned that I’m either forcing something that isn’t meant to be, or that I’m possibly sabotaging a great relationship by freaking myself out. I’m worried I am going to wake up in ten years and feel that I missed out on something, but I also don’t want to let my incredible boyfriend go. Is there anything I can do to overcome this lack of chemical attraction? Do you think we have any hope if the sex does not get better? We are both 26 by the way.
One thought on ““I’m starting to have doubts””
Possibly. If you are on or not on the pill it could be messing with your limbedo. I remember reading about a study that showed women’s sexual preferences changed once they were on it. You also could have a medical issue at the moment. You can check those out with your gynecologist. After teenage years the hormones go down and the make out sessions that used to make me so hot and bothered went away.
You could try spicing things up or watching porn together. You may want to talk to a couples counselor for good options as well. Sometimes it’s a mental issue you haven’t dealt with yet.
Whatever you do, DON’T get married until YOU are ready. Getting married is expensive, staying married costs you time you’ll never get back, and getting divorced is doubly expensive. Add kids (hostages that you love) makes everything worse. They are not a solution to jack squat in a troubled marriage.