“Was she playing with me?”

I met this girl at clothing store. I was with my daughter. I wrote my phone number on the receipt and gave it to her. She texts me a couple of days later. We set up a date and she shows up late, she said she couldn’t find the place, which was odd, but I went to meet her and help her find the place. The date was shorter because of this, so we hiked for about 1/2 hr, and talked for another 40 min. It was nice, there seemed to be chemistry.

We continued to text for several days and sometimes phone interaction, things still seemed okay, however I tried to set up another date. She sort of had excuses. Realized that she was a friend of the bottle. Should have been the signal, but didn’t think much of it or it wasn’t a deal breaker for me.

On one occasion, we sexted for about an hour, she told me a lot of things she would do when we meet for real, etc…I thought it was just playful, but of course, I was hoping that it could turn for real.

One night, I was out with my two daughters, and I told her I was out with two girls, she assumed you-know-what, and got really jealous, correct reaction. Then I told her right away they were my daughters, she calmed and we started laughing. We texted for a long time that night, she started (or continued) to drink to the point I could tell she was drinking. She started going on about how when she goes out with her friend and another couple, it was always the same shit. It seemed that she implied the friend, was a friend with benefits. That was odd, since she had told me she didn’t have anybody. The texting turned sour, more complaints about it from her, I tried to listen and did, but felt really uncomfortable. We were not yet lovers and I wasn’t yet sure of her intentions since we hadn’t gone out again, so I didn’t want to become her tissue paper. I tried to sort of change the conversation, but her tone became sort of rude, I slowed the texting. She later texts me that she’s a very bad person and that I don’t deserve her, etc… later texts me to prohibit me from ever texting her again. I was really taken aback, but anyway, that was her decision and even though she was drunk by then, I had to abide by it.

I never texted again. A week later, I get a text from her, just an emoticon, showing sort of whatever. A day later I text her more or less nonchalantly. (I’m listening to Mayer Hawthorne as I write this, so it’s really great.) I was not comfortable with this, but decided to forgive her and give her another chance. I was expecting her to have a really changed attitude, and to see that somehow she makes up for what she had done. Short of that this would not go anywhere, I was just waiting to see what happened.

I was still persistent on meeting her. We set up a date, when I call her, she tells me that she could do it the same day, but a different time. I could tell she had a few drinks. She tells me she’s doing her son and daughter’s (two adults) laundry and that she was going to be very busy and we could even do it another day. I told her I couldn’t. At this time I had to think about whether I even want to try. I was very infatuated for her, I think somehow, I didn’t know it at the time, I had developed something for her, when from the beginning I didn’t want anything serious. I had told her from the beginning that I liked her (mistake, I know) and so she knew she had me. However, I do have my limits and act on principle, once I make up my mind, there’s no turning back. I’ve done this before.

I let a few days go by, I get another text, or I texted her, can’t remember. So I called her on the phone, I was at work, in my car. Her tone of voice was kind of cold. I tried to put some humor in the conversation. She said she was studying psychology, and I said something like she was trying to figure out how to conquer me or something along those lines, not the same words, something kind of funny, can’t remember what it was. She became kind of rude. Not at all what I had expected because of the past. But I kept my cool. She goes on to say that she would like me to be her friend. I told her I don’t do that, and that wasn’t what I wanted from the relationship and sincerely I just didn’t have time for a friendship. Especially since I thought we had some chemistry. She goes on to say something like she accused me of being a nice guy, she didn’t use those words exactly. That night she wasn’t drunk, she seemed reflective. However, I thought she was bluffing, as her voice didn’t seem sincere. Later she says that she’s not ready and that the reason she doesn’t want a relationship is because she doesn’t feel sexy, since she thinks she’s overweight. She wasn’t. She did have some extra, for an Asian girl, but nowhere near fat, not even close, just maybe a little tummy, but she had the right curves. She said that she was going to get in shape and to wait for her until then. I didn’t respond at all, just took the abuse. Which I thought it was. So the signal was given by her.

However, because of the past and my expectation, and the fact that she flaked on the second date, and because of her words, even though they didn’t seem true. The rejections were of two kinds, her words and her actions. Therefore, I could not ignore this and right there and then decided to end it. Although, there really wasn’t much to end, since nothing ever got started. I said to her, “See you around,” she sort of paused and said “see you.” She sounded sort of panicked, like she wasn’t expecting me to say that. I didn’t say it rudely, just somewhat sternly and coldly, but used a deeper and more masculine voice than usual. Then we hang up.

I left it at that. At that point in my life I was going through some other issues so I had disconnected socially and wasn’t answering my phone. I deleted her number and any possible way to contact her. I got some calls that were unusual at night time, and late at work, and never picked up.

About 3 months later, I go to the mall, where she works, but didn’t go near where she works. I was with my two daughters, we were going to have lunch at Olive Garden, and we decided to go into that mall while we waited to be called, since the line was long. As I entered a store, there was this woman that seemed familiar that had also entered the store. I noticed that she was sort of staring. She was rather thin, she got closer and I could sort of recognized her, her skin didn’t seem healthy, it was ashy, as when people do drugs or in her case perhaps, the bottle.

I sort of froze when I realized it was her. Without realizing, my head sort of shook as I lowered my view trying not to see her directly. I went another direction. She sort of maneuvered to find my face. I felt something in the pit of my stomach. I felt kind of sick, almost like I was going to vomit. I’ve never felt this before. I shortly realized that it was deep hatred. I shouldn’t have felt that, but compassion. I don’t think she deserved my hatred. A couple of minutes later, we finally are face to face, about 4 feet, she at least kept her distance. She tried to smile, I knew it was fake because only her mouth was smiling, her eyes, seemed a little mad plus other feelings, I think surprise, like she didn’t in a million years expect my reaction. I kept my gaze at her, showing no emotion or even that I had recognized her, however, I realized my eyes, were showing what I was feeling, hatred. She felt that, I’m sure.

The next day, Monday, I was at work late, and my phone rang again several times. I never picked up.

So, my question. I feel bad about all this. Why? Why would she do this? I kind of feel that she was playing me for attention, because we texted a lot. I hate texting btw. I think perhaps later she changed her mind?


One thought on ““Was she playing with me?”

  1. Anonymous says:

    She’s a hot mess on drugs and alcohol and you are looking for a rational adult. I think you answered your own question when you started out “I met a girl…” That’s not how you would want your own daughters to act at her age is it? Look for someone with chemistry and who acts their age. Don’t punish yourself or your daughters with someone like that.

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