“I feel like the guy I’m with is using me”

We’ve been seeing each other since last November. So about 9 months now. I go out of my way to do things for him. We have sex all the time. I get him surprises all the time. And I’m committed to him.

Since day one he has said that he doesn’t want to commit, that he’s not ready, that he loves me and I’m a big part of his life, and that he’s not ready for a relationship, but that he is trying. He’s 22. And I’m 25. 

I can count on one hand the number of times he has done “the little things” for me. When we’re having sex he rarely goes down on me, although I do it for him a lot. He asks me to scratch, rub or tickle his back or play with his hair every night. I do. But he never does for me. I constantly invite him to go places but he never wants to, but when I’m with him – if he gets invited to go out with his friends he’ll tell me to go with him.

I get along with all of his friends. He’s gone to at least 3 of their house parties and hasn’t invited me to one. Even though I threw him a surprise birthday party months ago and invited all of them. He never posts about me on social media, but I post about him. If it’s on Instagram, he likes it. If it’s on Twitter or Facebook he ignores it.

He has told me before that he thinks I should see other guys, but then when I did, he said he doesn’t really want that and had just said it out of anger. I’m going through a divorce and I have two kids, he has none. He has met them and has hung out around them before. But he normally just comes over after they go to bed. And if they’re not with me one weekend, we’ll spend the weekend together. I love him a lot but I’m not sure if he is just stringing me along or if he’s really not ready and really is trying..

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2 thoughts on ““I feel like the guy I’m with is using me”

  1. Anonymous says:

    “Since day one he has said that he doesn’t want to commit” he told you the truth there. You’re going through a divorce and this guy is playing you while you are vulnerable. You and your kids deserve better. Don’t teach them this is the right way to treat a woman or be treated. They are learning from YOU.

    Move on. Complete your divorce then aim higher. Honestly I wouldn’t even date until you are divorced and do NOT introduce a man until he’s 3-6 months into a relationship to your kids. They don’t deserve a revolving door on their house. Speaking from experience as one of the kids.

  2. Anonymous says:

    ^ Going to have to agree. Worry about your kids and your own hot mess, instead of this moocher. You’re not even divorced yet and you’re throwing yourself desperately at a man who won’t do the simplest of things for you. How about how your kids are recovering after a divorce?
    You can do him and favor and show this loser the door. Don’t expect him to change. He’s not going to get any better.

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