“My girlfriend never mentioned me to her mate”

He’s frustrated that his girlfriend hasn’t mentioned him to her friend. She thinks he needs to back off, and it’s just a trust issue on his end. What do you think?

Pete says:

We’ve been seeing each other intensely for six months. We’re in love, but she admittedly is a private person on the whole.

We went on a double date with her best mate a few weeks ago. It went well, I thought. My girlfriend had told me previously that she’d told her friend about me, and I saw nothing to disbelieve that.

Yesterday she opened a text from her mate saying “how are you” etc., but within the text, it said, “how’s things on the man front?” I found this odd and disrespectful to me and our relationship. I asked my girlfriend to say that WE were great. My girlfriend agreed it was odd, as she’d given her no reason to think she was anything other than with me. She refused to acknowledge that wording in her reply and didn’t even mention me or us. This has knocked me a bit.

H. says:

I agree with everything above and did think it was an odd thing to put, but I decided to dismiss it as nonsense. Secondly, it got my back up that he told me how I should reply. I’ll speak to her face to face about it. I think it’s a trust issue that he wanted to see it in black and white.

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3 thoughts on ““My girlfriend never mentioned me to her mate”

  1. Anonymous says:

    You are both correct. I would consider both of your reactions a red flag, but dictating how to respond is a bigger red flag.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    Agreed. I think you both could compromise a bit here.

    Pete: I agree (and so does H.) that it’s odd that her mate has no idea about you. At the same time, it’s not your place to dictate to H. what she should or shouldn’t say to her mate. Remember, this is her mate. You can politely ask H. whether she wants to mention you to her. But ultimately, the decision is up to H.

    Having said that …

    H.: You yourself agree that it’s odd your own best mate has no idea you’ve been dating someone for six months now … and are in love, no less. When people are in love, they tend to tell their friends about it. So if you do feel the same way about Pete as he does about you, then I think it would be a nice gesture to tell at least your best friend about your relationship. But if you don’t feel the same way, or you’re just not quite there yet … well, that’s another conversation you should be having with Pete.

  3. Dennis Hong says:

    Actually, I just reread your tiffs, and I’m going to revise what I wrote a bit:

    I wrote my reply (and admittedly put in the tiff title) on the assumption that the best mate doesn’t know at all that H. and Pete have been dating for the last six months. But upon rereading, I’m not sure that’s the case. So maybe one of you will need to clarify for us.

    It appears that the best mate might have just been asking about H.’s dating life on a general level. Like, I’ve asked my buddies (whom I know have been dating someone specific) how things are on the “girl front.” It’s not intended as a slight against the girl he’s dating. It’s just a way to ask him about his dating life.

    So if this is what the best mate is doing … sorry, Pete. But then I think you’re overreacting a bit, as I don’t see anything wrong with her phrasing the question in this way. It’s not disrespectful to you. It’s a question directed at H.

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