I am 16 and I have been dating someone for 6 months. At the beginning, everything was perfect. He is the most loving, hilarious person I have ever met. I had my parents approval and everyone said we were the cutest couple.
But, my mother developed hatred toward my boyfriend. She now thinks he is disrespectful and a bad influence. She judges him and blames him for things he doesn’t do, and is now forbidding me to go out with him. I love him but she wants me to end things. I have tried fixing things and have invited him over to my family, but it only seems to make things worse.
I don’t feel loved or supported at home, and am constantly being told that everything I do is wrong. I also feel unsafe and scared for my future. I think I have met my future husband, and the fact that I am not allowed to date him is giving me severe anxiety and depression.
I don’t know what to do, because I can’t chose between my family and my boyfriend. I need advice. At this point, I don’t want to live in my house anymore.
3 thoughts on ““I’m being forced to choose between my boyfriend and family””
Can you support yourself? Do you have a job? Insurance? A vehicle to get around that YOU purchased? No?
Then I’m going to have to side with your mom. This is a bad idea. If he really loves you then he’ll understand that you can’t date him until you are supporting yourself at age 18 after graduation and will wait. My guess is your mom see’s something that you don’t right now because love chemicals in the brain make us blind. Listen to your mom. She wants what’s best for you.
Also, since this isn’t what you wanted to hear and won’t follow my advice, please follow this advice: use protection when you have sex. You don’t want to a. risk your life having a baby, b. be responsible for one when you can’t even support yourself, c. have to deal with his family when they turn on you and they will because you and the baby will be a extra burden on them.
It isn’t always the case but at 16 you need to give a bit more weight to the views of those who have had more experience and those not under the influence of hormones of love. I’m not saying break up but do sit down with your mom to discuss what it is she doesn’t trust. She may be seeing something you don’t yet. Also, at 16 you’re supposed to feel this way so don’t do something extreme that could risk you in the process. If he is your future husband than there shouldn’t be an issue in waiting or taking it slow. If he isn’t then you may be dodging something most of us didn’t due to your mom’s advice so don’t be too quick to ignore it.
When I was 16 I was right where you are. I had a girlfriend who I loved and thought for sure would be my wife. My entire family hated her and told me over and over that she was bringing me down, that I deserved better; I didn’t listen. We got engaged at 19, set to be married in August of 2012, I would have been 21. After proposing everything went downhill. She started trying to control my whole life. Telling me when I could go out, who I could hang out with, what classes I should take, she even went as far as to tell me that I better get out of the military because she didn’t get enough time with me. In April of 2012 I ended the engagement, she had made me miserable. I wasted 7 years of my life on her, all of high school and 3 years of college.
Now I’m married to an amazing woman, with 1 kid and another on the way, and I’ve never been happier in my life.
Long story short, your mom has experienced much more life than you have, maybe she’s right. Don’t make the same mistake I did and ignore your family. If he loves you hell wait until you’re 18. If not, then he’s not the one.