I broke up with my girlfriend three weeks ago. It’s been two weeks with no contact, but long story short, I lied, strayed and hid stuff from her due to pressure from Uni, financial issues, and depression.
By strayed, I mean I did stuff I did not usually do, including have a ‘side chick’ who had no idea about me and my girlfriend being together.
My girlfriend found out about another incident where I drunkenly messaged an old flame and this old flame sent my message to my girlfriend who found out about it months later.
Basically, I became a guild-ridden self-loathing individual and she didn’t recognize me. She still says she loves me, just not the way she used to, and yet, she hoped I would change.
I’m trying to change now, trying to be better and fight this depression, but now my girlfriend and me have broken up…should I even bother telling her about the side chick? Or should I tell the side chick that I lied to her? Or should I just move on from the side chick and hope for the best?
If I want even the smallest bit of reconciliation with my ex, I don’t want this to pop up and hurt her in the future. I’m done with the lies, but is there a point to hurt her unnecessarily?
One thought on ““Shall I tell my ex about my side chick?””
Right now all that would do is hurt her. She would think you were doing that magiciously. I know I would. If she decides to let you in then sit her down and tell her in a calm, rational way. However, I don’t believe you are ready for a relationship right now. You are messaging others and had a side chick. That’s not ready for a relationship. That’s learning what you want and it obviously wasn’t her, because it really didn’t effect you that she’s a person whom you would and did hurt. Maybe take some time and date around. Learn from this and write down what worked and what you liked about her so you can learn what you honestly want from a partner. You might never be ready for a monogamous relationship and should look into polyamory.