“Am I in this relationship because it feels safe?”

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy I met online when I was in high school (I’m currently a freshman in college). We instantly clicked and we’ve been dating for a little over two years. He lives in a different state. He has come to visit twice and it definitely confirmed our feelings. We work so well together and he is my first love, as well as the first person I’ve ever had sex with.

We’re both in college and both very busy but we’ve always made time for each other and while it is a long distance relationship, we are always very connected (we FaceTime, call, and text constantly). In the beginning of our relationship I hid him from my family, however, my parents found out about us and didn’t like the idea of me talking to someone I’ve never met. I spent most of my time on the phone with him and it caused a lot of tension between my parents and I, which upset me because we have always been very close. When I moved to college I told them that we had broken up to avoid any more fights, and that was the first time I have ever lied to them. It worked and my relationship with my parents is better than ever. My boyfriend and I are still together but I have recently been feeling like I don’t know who I am without him and that I need to experience being single in college. I don’t really know why these feelings came about or what caused me to feel like I need some distance, but I knew that I needed to address them. I have no reason to be mad at him – he hasn’t done anything wrong.

I told him and we decided to take a break. He was very upset but he said that he would always do whatever makes me happy. I feel like we will eventually get back together but I don’t know if that’s the right or wrong thing to do. I don’t want to be in a relationship because that’s what feels safe, I want to be in it for the right reasons. I guess I’m struggling because of the fact that I’m not mad at him or angry, I just feel like something’s wrong. I also feel like if we weren’t together I wouldn’t have to lie to my parents anymore. I’ve tried to weigh out the pros and cons but I just don’t know what the right decision is. Help!

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s