I am feeling a little lost. I have recently come back from traveling around the world after two and a half years. A large part of me traveling was the fact that I was in a job I didn’t want to do anymore, and my dad having terminal cancer made me realize how short life was. The glimpse of tranquility and calmness I saw on his face really made me want to feel the “sense of freedom” he felt from packing his bags with little money.

I went traveling and loved it. I studied photography — a subject I had huge drive and passion for. During this time, my then-boyfriend moved in with me, and it all went down hill from there. I made my life about making sure he was happy, stopped doing things for myself, and to be honest, just felt as if I was no good at photography. Instead of learning the things that I didn’t understand, I simply saw every failure as me being a failure, and in the end, the guy I thought was going to be with me forever left me. I do not want to blame him or anyone else for my failures, and I know that we just weren’t suited.

After this, I ended up being back with my parents and took a charity fundraising job. Whilst I felt this wasn’t something I wanted to do forever, I ended up staying in the role for four years after getting promoted. I enjoyed managing people, coaching people, and making a difference in regards to medical fundraising. This is  where I realized I like talking to people and helping them.

When I was traveling, I was also foolish in spending way too much on a credit card (now owing 6 thousand pounds).

So now, I am here back with my parents, knowing I want to sort out my life, but not sure where to start. I don’t want to get stuck in a dead end job for the rest of my life. I want to be independent, not lazy anymore, but feel so much pressure from myself and others suggesting I do this and try that job out.

I thought about training in nursing or social work, but don’t have any experience in these fields. I’m also not very strong at math, despite the fact that this could really work with my empathetic nature. Naturally, I do like helping people with their problems or listening to their stories.

I still have this interest in photography, and my dream would be to one day have my own business doing make-up, photography, and hairstyling for photoshoots. But I see others who went to the same courses as me and now do this for magazines, and that makes me feel a little like a failure.

I also like the idea of being a photography lecturer, but with my  bad degree grade and the fact I am weak on the technical side, I don’t think I have many options on this route.

So at the moment, I don’t know what to do, I have applied for sales jobs, travel agent jobs, hospitality jobs, and call center jobs — something I really want to get out of, but at the moment, I owe 6 grand, so I do need a paid job for now.

One minute, I think about pursuing hairdressing, makeup, and photography. The next minute, I want to just travel again once I clear my debt. However, it would mean I would come home to the same issue of not knowing what job to do.

I also want to try standup comedy, but that would be more of a hobby and just to prove to myself that I am not the shy person I once became.

I ultimately would like to be back in Australia, doing my photography and makeup. However, I am not even sure if this is possible. I feel so stressed out that I know I need to break these things into smaller steps, but I just don’t know what to do first. The stress of owing this money, living with parents, scared of going nowhere in life — I feel trapped.

So far I have tried to be proactive and I have done a photo shoot since coming back, they actually look really good. looking through my travel photos made me realize I do love photography I just get scared of failing. I am also trying to assist a local photographer to improve my skills and get some hands on experience.

I am soon to be 29 years old, and I don’t want to go down a dead end path.

I found from my working life, I do not want to work behind a desk. I like to be practical, I like talking to people, I love being creative. I want to move forward in my life and I be my own boss. Any suggestions or advice, I’d really appreciate. Sorry for long post! Helps to get out of my head!