I have been with my fiancé for over 7 years. In the beginning, we were madly in love and inseparable. As the years have gone by, I feel like we have fallen into a friendship. I do not ever want to hurt him. I have spoken to him about this before, and he became very upset and didn’t really understand it.
I am finding other people attractive and find myself fantasizing about other men. Recently my ex has come back into my life and has told me he loves me. I have always loved him, but I was hurt so much that I closed that all off. I don’t know what to do. Anyone been in a similar situation?
2 thoughts on “My fiancé and I have fallen into a friendship””
Ah the seven year itch, as they call it. Stuck in a rut is more like it.
No, the ex won’t be better. He’s a ex for a reason and that reason is still there. “Oh but he’s changed…” Nah, he’s just hiding it until you are complacent. You are romanticizing the good times in your head and forgetting all the bad times.
You need to a. block the ex from all social accounts pronto and b. get to couples counseling with your current finance now. Even if you have to go alone to see why you are co-depently jumping from man to man. Jumping from one man to the next won’t make you happy and you need to BOTH find out what will. Counseling will help you find the passion again. It might be scheduled sex nights (sounds unromantic but it does work for some), it might be day trips to interesting places, or might be just discussing your day after work on walks.
Thats a tricky situation, I am in a similar situation myself and I think a few things are important
1) the ex is never the answer, or so is generally moving on quickly to something else – you need time to heal and process the current relationship so first
2) decide whether you want to continue the current relationship. If you do, indeed go into couples counseling, talk talk talk basically – if not, you have to be absolutely honest with yourself and your partner about that. Just because of the time does not mean it has to last, it is possible that this was a beautiful relationship only meant to last 7 years, that does not make it a failure. Of course it is always difficult to decide which one of the two is best, but I think if you look into your heart you know the answer
3) after a break up (if it comes to that), give yourself time to recover before moving on!
Good luck 🙂