“I know my family loves me but I feel nothing”

I need advice because I don’t know how to do this delicately. I am soon to be 18 and without going into specifics,  I plan to move across the country after I graduate High School. In consideration to my mother, I’ve allowed her to still claim that I’m living with her so she receives welfare/death benefits, (my Dad died) even though I moved in with a relative in October.

I am the youngest of a large family but I am totally uninterested in human relationships on a personal level. I can be social and I’m very polite in my interactions but I secretly loathe the necessity. I am a straight A student with skills/love in the arts. I plan work under the table in my relative’s small business, part time, until my graduation but after that I want to cut ties. Now I know from an outside view this is a heartless act – the point is I don’t care. But if there are any mothers or families who’ve experienced a relative cutting ties, I’d be curious how it impacted you. I told my mom I’m leaving but I haven’t said where and I’m not sure if it’s kinder to maintain the facade with other relatives who wish to see me. As I’ve said I can be charming – I know my family loves me but I feel nothing.

2 thoughts on ““I know my family loves me but I feel nothing”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I did something similar to that. I think its far more common than you would think, but maybe I’m just heartless as well.

  2. Dave says:

    I also did something similar to that. But I’m not heartless. I suffered many years of physical and emotional abuse from my bio-mom. And I got tired of hearing others tell me how “nice” she was. The abuse goes back generations on her side of the family. All my father’s side is dead. One day I realized I had NO good reason to maintain contact with any blood relative. They were all abusers and/or blind to abuse anyway. Not one of them ever gave me any reason to feel good about them at all. Haven’t spoken to anybody I’m related to in decades, and it was the best decision of my life. How did it impact them? Don’t know and don’t care.

    To the person who asked the question, I would say this…

    UNLESS your family is evil (like mine was), then don’t tell anybody of your plans to cut off contact with them. Just leave quietly. You will soon discover who really loves you and (unfortunately) who really HATES you as well. Talking about leaving does no good at all. Just go.

    On a side note though, I am wondering how you plan to support yourself financially?

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