“Do we need to move out of my parents’ house?”

I need some advice on how to handle/move forward on a situation.  My husband and I have been living with my parents as we search for our first home. We’ve been married 2+ years and have rented until Nov. 2015 when we moved in with my parents. We were hoping it would be between 6 months to a year for us to pay off some debt, save some money and find our new home.

We have been here now  for 14 months with nice savings in the bank and completely debt free. We’ve looked at houses in and around town. We’ve had nothing but busts. We’ve wasted over $1,000 on inspections and we’re completely frustrated with the process.  Part of our frustration is because of my parents, mostly my mother. She has taken it upon herself to decide what parts of town we can look in because she is doing us the favor by letting us live here. I love my mother and respect her opinion but feel like she is being unreasonable. I’ve been somewhat complacent because she has threatened to kick us out if we make a decision she doesn’t like.

To give an example, we looked in an area called Beechmont without her permission (before we knew we needed it) and she flipped. Beechmont has historically been a cultural center, south of downtown. It has been a popular spot for refugees to move and she feels the area is unsafe, but it’s got a lot of historical homes and charm. And the crime rate is comparable to most of Louisville. Once she found out, she threatened to kick us out and refused to speak to me for over a week. Once we started talking again, she never apologized for her behavior but I was expected to for violating her trust. We don’t want to move out so we can make a decision we don’t want and then move again. It’s a waste of time and money.

I know that it’s hard to really grasp the story when you only have one person’s view, but I’m trying to figure out how to move forward on this. My husband and I are young (late 20’s/early 30’s) and I work at a nonprofit, so our budget isn’t very high. So now I need to decide, is it worth it trying to work with her to find a house based on her terms or do we need to leave to really make a decision that both my husband and I agree on?

One thought on ““Do we need to move out of my parents’ house?”

  1. Anonymous says:

    You and your husband are adults. This is your decision to make. Look where you please and don’t focus on what your mom wants. It’s not her money or decision. She’s a good person and I believe she loves her baby, but her choices on what you do stopped once you hit 18. If you need to then lease out into a short term place for a couple of months.

    She will get over this once you have moved out, because you are her kid and it’ll be on her to get in touch with you. Do what you want in what you can afford. Also see if you can talk to other family members to get them to talk to her. Do you have aunts, grandparents, her spouse/ significant other to help you get her to understand that this is overreach?

    You are going to need to start setting boundaries and should have been once you got married. It’s very kind of her to let you stay and you should thank her for it, but that doesn’t mean she gets to dictate this type of decision. Just imagine if you had kids or got a wonderful six figure job across the country. She’s really going to butt in then.

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