“I’m in a relationship but stuck dreaming about a guy I work with”

I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years with a good guy. He’s honestly a good person. We’ve been together since I was 20 and he had just turned 30. The first four months of our relationship were amazing. Total honeymoon phase. But after we started living together, he started to show his true emotional weaknesses.

He would play video games for hours, sometime bordering on days. He would come home from work and ignore me until bedtime where he would toss and turn until morning only to do it all over again. We never did anything fun or went anywhere together. I was starting to feel incredibly trapped and unappreciated. We fought all the time, with me always conceding my side to calm him down or make him happy. He finally got some help with his depression and things got better. We still fight and nothing I do seems to be good enough for him. I’m too lazy, I’m not clean enough, I forget to do things, I’ve gained a bit of weight. All these things make me feel like I’m not good enough for anyone. I always feel like the one who is more caring and affectionate. We didn’t have sex for months at a time. And we when we did, it was lackluster and sad. When I lay it all out like this it seems horrible.

Recently I met this guy at work and he resembles my boyfriend in many ways physically. He’s so sweet and nice and has a really good sense of humour. I find myself thinking about him most of the time I’m at work. He knows I’m involved and never tries anything other than light, work-place flirting. I’ve started having dreams about him and have to stop myself from messaging him when I’m not working. I’m so comfortable in the relationship I’m in now because I’ve been in it for so long. I see so many other people who are moving on with their lives and are happy. And I’m stuck dreaming about a guy I work with while living with someone I’m growing to resent. I know what I need to do. It’s just hard.

One thought on ““I’m in a relationship but stuck dreaming about a guy I work with”

  1. Anonymous says:

    End the relationship you are in first and find you a place to live. Then take some time for yourself before you date again. This new guy is just a form of escapism right now. If you started this relationship you might find yourself in a loop of guys who are very similar with similar issues.

    Do not even think about moving in with a boyfriend for a year and before that ask important DETAILED questions like what are your bathroom habits? How do you feel about pets/kids? What are the finances supposed to be like? What chores are you and I responsible for? ect.

    Don’t wait any longer. The man you are with now’s mental abuse will not get better. He says those things to force you to stay, because he’s the loser and he knows it.

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