“I’m torn between this girl and all my friends”

I have a new girlfriend, we have been dating for about a month. but some of my friends demand that I break up with her, or else I will lose theirs and many others, respect. Why?

One night, a bunch of friends gathered at the beach, late in the night. I was busy the following day so I didn’t go. This gathering lasted from about 12 to 4pm. My girlfriend secretly took her dad’s car to drive to the beach. She has no licence, and not much experience (we’re both 16.) Once the night was over, many of her girlfriends got drunk, I’m not sure if she was drinking or not. She had to drive her friends back home, probably just to her house. One of her friends told one of my friends about the night, and described how she got home and the way my girlfriend was driving. She wasn’t angry at her, she said she found it fun and it was crazy. She was driving unlicensed, she ran several red lights and was driving on the wrong side of the road supposedly.

I know that she put her life and her friend’s lives in danger. The argument that my friends are putting forward is that what she did was absolutely crazy, and that they can’t even imagine how I could be dating a girl so reckless and stupid. Yet they don’t even know her, and she definitely isn’t crazy. I tell them no one got injured, and nothing bad happened. I told them if I talked to her about it I could prevent her from doing something like that again.

They say that it still doesn’t change the fact that she almost got herself and her friends killed. They say that I’m just trying to defend her. How can they judge someone like that over one stupid decision? Which can be prevented from happening again? They say that they have lost all respect for me if I stay with her. I asked one of them what he would do if his girlfriend did that, and he said that even if she ran a single red light he would leave her, because she is risking her life and other people’s. I think that’s bullshit. I feel like I’m being held against my will. I’m torn between this girl and all my friends.

Either way I will be heartbroken. I don’t want this to end either way, so I’m trying to reason with my friends. They say nothing is going to change their views. They try to make me feel guilty, saying ” it’s either your friends since you’ve known from the start of high school, or some chick you’ve dated a few times.” I really don’t know what to do, I don’t want to lose either of them.

2 thoughts on ““I’m torn between this girl and all my friends”

  1. yeahbutwhatif says:

    If you’re not seeing it as a deal breaker, then don’t worry about it. It was stupid and reckless and being 16 that isn’t exactly unusual. We all do stupid things but the question is if you care or not. If you’re friends lose respect for you because you make a decision based on your views and not their pressure on you then they aren’t very good friends quite frankly. At the end of the day, make a decision based on what you believe and feel, you can’t go wrong from there and how those around you react is on them.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I think what she did was reprehensible, because she could have taken a life. I have to see this on a daily basis working in the news. Yes, she is young and nothing happened this time, but next time she may kill or be killed. Her parents should know about this.

    We just had to deal with a head on collision with a father and son that involved alcohol. The son was a teenager. Imagine that families pain. You honestly can’t even come to grips with it.

    I don’t think you need to break up with her yet, however. I would sit her down and have a serious talk. You don’t seem to understand how dangerous this was and obviously neither did she. She’s just trying to impress some friends in her head. This is definitely a several red flags. If anything like this happens again, you need to move on. You’re friends are correct.

    Now your friends are incorrect in throwing ultimatims at you. They should trust your judgement in who you date. If they choose to move on after explaining that, then that is on them.

    However here’s the thing. I wouldn’t have even told you before moving on from this situation as a friend unless directly asked why. How come? Because this whole situation has been handled incorrectly. You picking someone who is so reckless that they would risk their and everyone in the cars life not including other innocent people on the road. Someone who thinks they need to drink to impress other people who also don’t consider other people. Obviously I don’t want to be associated with the Jerry Springer drama train that is coming.

    Best of luck to you. I see drama in your future with this girl and these friends.

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