I’m in love, but not feeling loved. I’m seriously and deeply in love with my high school sweetheart’ of 5 years, both of us having no other relationships beforehand. Before we were in a relationship, we were good friends for 6 years. We went to college together, went to festivals, lived together in a shitty flat for 2 years, and we often talk about our futures together.
He’s smart, handsome, kind, lovable, makes me laugh so much, and honestly a really good guy. There’s just one thing missing from an otherwise beautiful relationship … He’s a bit of a crappy boyfriend.
I know he loves me, but he doesn’t give me the type of relationship I need. I crave a bit more romance and passion — the little things like giving me flowers or telling me I look nice. He treats me more like a best mate, and it never seems to go in when I tell him how I feel I would like to be treated. I want to feel like a woman. How do I go about this?
It’s breaking my heart. I want to have a family and grow old with this man.
3 thoughts on ““He treats me like a best mate””
I suggest reading a book called The Five Love Languages. I used to get frustrated about that with my husband then I realized that I was trying to change him. It made me realize that we were basically using two different love languages to show each other we cared about each other and how to deal with it. Mine is gifts. I use gifts to show people I care and am thinking about them. His is doing stuff. He does things I hate to do to show me he loves me.
I agree with the above poster that book is definitely worth the read. It’s also worth noting that in any long term relationship where the couple spends a lot of time together and are best friends things can get comfortable and it can be easy for one person or the other to start treating it more as an affectionate friendship than a relationship. Myself and my fiancé go through phases like this fairly often. Maybe just have a chat with him in a non confrontational way and explain how you feel and what it is you feel like you need and find out from him how he’s feeling and what it is he needs. It may just be that you both show love in different ways or it may be because you haven’t explained it to him so e genuinely doesn’t know you want this stuff. Goodluck!
It sounds like he is your ideal friend but not your ideal lover. What do you want more?