“My boyfriend and I fight constantly”

My boyfriend and I fight a lot! We have been together for about 10 months now. We are both in our mid 20s. We broke up once around 5 months because of constant fighting. I was upset with him a lot because I didn’t think he was a good boyfriend to me at first. Perhaps due to his lack of relationship experience and years of sleeping around. But then I knew I wasn’t a good girlfriend either. I was very demanding and would be pissed for lots of small things and had the habit of ordering him around and occasionally making fun of him in front of his friends etc.

Little did I know, at that time, when we first started dating, he slept with his ex twice. It’s the only ex he had three years ago. He dumped her, and she has been in love with him/waiting for him for 3 years. He confessed to me last week. I was shocked. He said he wasn’t very serious with me at first cuz of the way I treated him, and he really wanted unprotected sex which I couldn’t give him. That he regretted deeply after we got back together the second time, and told her ex that we were getting serious so they should stop. And it never happened again. He cried so hard and begged me to give him a second chance. I eventually agreed but on the demand of checking his phone whenever I want, which he agreed.

After we broke up the first time, we both were very wrecked. I cut his contact, but he couldn’t get over me for a month, and he came back and asked if we could work out our issues and try again. He said he never experienced the feeling of unable to get over someone for a month. So we got back together. Things were better for a while then started to get worse again. Even though this time I was a lot more reasonable, I realized he was still unreasonable as before, getting pissed over lots of small things. He tried a lot harder on our relationship I could see: he spent lots of money getting me a gift I always wanted in the expense of getting what he needed; he partied way less and stayed at home with me because I liked it; he always takes care of me, cooks me food, helps me move/clean etc. But he is so petty that he gets upset with me all the time. He doesn’t like a lot of my small habits including spacing out randomly, not doing some things most efficiently, me being a little princessy sometime (dont wanna touch trash or dont know how to use a plunger etc). He also got pissed for not being invited to a girls brunch or me ditching him to go to another car (which was more convenient for me).

The constant fighting and the cheating I learned about last week have been taking a toll on me emotionally. I’ve had these everyday-fighting moments with my ex before, and we eventually got over the phase, so I don’t know if this is a temporary thing/phase, or it’s never gonna change. I do love him and don’t want to give up easily but in the same time am so tired and don’t wanna talk to him for a day after we fight sometimes. We get along really well and have lots of fun and common interests. I do think he’s good to me now when he s not upset. Don’t really know how to make things better at this point. I talked to him about the constant fighting, but he would explode even if he tried to bottle things up. Don’t think I can break up now since we have travel plans made next month. Should I give a full year (another 2 months) to decide or should I take a break now?

3 thoughts on ““My boyfriend and I fight constantly”

  1. Anonymous says:

    You guys are incompatible from what I just read. You deserve better than a man who is constantly comparing you to a ex for any reason what so ever. I wish you the best luck in your next relationship.

    Also, learn to do things you don’t like. “Being princessy” is not a good excuse for not acting like a grown woman.

  2. Sonny says:

    I think you should way out the pros and the cons before you take any advice, you yourself should see if one outweighs the other. If there’s more good then maybe try to salvage things.

    Do spend more time angry together than happy together?

    In my opinion, you don’t seem happy at all. Which isn’t fair for you or him. You said it’s taking an emotional toll on you.

    Perhaps you’re already mourning the relationship you know is over?

    Best of Luck.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Girl, this relationship sounds dead in the water to me. It doesn’t sound like fun, or mutual caring.

    Do not focus on the fact that he spends a lot of money on gifts for you. Focus on whether or not you feel excited to see him when you’re having a shitty day at work. Or if you feel completely content doing nothing but eating pizza on the couch. Or if you can talk to him about whatever weirdness pops into your head.

    I just recently left a toxic relationship, where discussing the shortcomings of our relationship was not an option. And it sucked. Every union has flaws, because no two people are perfect, or perfect for each other. People are people. But what matters is that when these flaws become a problem, you should be able to discuss them and not let a discussion turn into a marathon fight that lasts for two or three days. Those are the worst! Walking on eggshells when all you wanna do is talk about how you’re feeling, is the worst!

    And, I second the statement above.. You need to get over your fear of touching trash and using a plunger. It is not attractive for a grown woman to not know how to handle herself.

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