“I don’t know what a normal home is”

My mom and I survived 23 years with my dad who was an abusive alcoholic narcissist. He left us about six months ago but that wasn’t the end of our problems. My mother is clinically depressed, has been diagnosed with PTSD and is prone to emotional outbursts. Sometimes she takes out her anger on me.

I am in college, but quite late, because I lost three years due to that arrogant asshole who calls himself my dad. Now we’re doing okay financially and all, but my mom has been through a string of relationships — two with married men — and each has left her more broken and depressed than before. The relationships were not physical but usually through chatting only. I can vouch for that.

She recently had a nervous breakdown after the second one “betrayed” her — she won’t tell me what that means. She refuses to go for counselling. She refuses to acknowledge my depression or anger issues. She is now kind of chatting with a gym instructor in town. I’m worried because this is progressing from men she knows to men she doesn’t. She doesn’t — and won’t — listen to me. I’m tired. I’m in constant pain due to shoulder and back pain. I’m feeling exhausted. I don’t want to deal with drama and unhappiness. I’ve forgotten what it was like to have a normal home. I don’t know what a normal home is.

4 thoughts on ““I don’t know what a normal home is”

  1. singleAF says:

    Hugs. There is this saying that we all have our different kinds of normal. But, your situation is indeed kinda hard. Hang in there. L

  2. therapyinsdcom says:

    See if there is a counseling at your school- the most promising research out there leans towards EMDR (eye movement desensitizing and reprocessing) and TF-CBT (trauma- focused cognitive behavioral therapy).

    You are no longer a child and have much more control that you have in the past. One of the best things you can do right now is figure out how you want to move forward and learn how to view the world in a different way. Therapy can help immensely. Good luck!

    Karen Kerschmann- Cognitive Behavioral Therapist

  3. JS says:

    Do you have any other family you could speak with and maybe could speak to your mom. I thinks it’s important to have a heart to heart do it when there is any drama going on. If you can’t do that then maybe tell her how you feel in letter form. I think you both need some counseling and there’s nothing wrong with that. What you both went through was very hard and tough and can have long term effects.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Her life is hers. Your life is yours. If you haven’t been able to convince her of a more healthy way of dealing with problems by now, you never will!!! You state that she cares more about her feelings than yours. Move out. Take some time to live in peace. Peace is a wonderful thing.

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