In May of 2015, my boyfriend of three years broke up with me. He was my best friend, and he stopped talking to me altogether. The stress and emotional turmoil on top of my depression and anxiety caused me to have to go to the hospital for mental instability. This was the year I graduated high school.

That summer I got better (mainly by being so high on the medicines from the hospital) that I went off to college that fall. The work load was so much on top of being drugged out of my mind that I physically could not do it, and to get a medical withdrawal, I had to go back to the hospital. Ever since, then my parents have bitched about me going back, but I don’t know what to do with my life, and I don’t want to waste my time or money to not do anything with a bullshit degree.

Ever since I dropped out I have had a job. In May of 2016, I tried to move out because of my parents being the abusive asshats they are, and my mom sent me to the hospital because “I obviously had to be crazy to not live with her.”

Once I got out, I still lived with the guy I was with, but two months later things didn’t work out, so I moved back in. I started dating one of my coworkers (let’s call him Jim) and we both got fired. I really loved Jim and he seemed to love me too. He lived with his mom, stepdad, and four siblings. We both found other jobs and he didn’t live far from me.

Things became rough with his parents, so he had to move three hours away to live with his grandparents. He got a job where he worked over 50 hours a week, and it was hard to see him due to our work schedules, but we still did and still talked daily and things seemed fine. Right before we started dating I had been off my medicine for a while due to my psychiatrist leaving his practice to move hours away, and I didn’t have anyway of getting any prescriptions (and since they messed with my meds when my mom forced me to go to the hospital and they weren’t working anyways).

My mood swings became bad, but I assumed Jim understood, since he also was bipolar. He dumped me a few days ago (he still won’t fully tell me the reason), and I have been suicidal the last few weeks. I finally got the courage to ask my parents to take me to the hospital since they are very unsupportive of my mental health. They yelled at me (along with my sister and grandma) about how I’ve been a burden my whole life and how they didn’t want me and how they want me to leave.

Finally, after three hours they said I can take myself to the hospital. However, despite me being 19, I am not allowed to have a license/car, and the closest hospital is a fifteen minute drive via interstate. They also took my phone. So I walked a mile to my friends house, and he said I should walk to the police department (he does not drive as well).

I started walking to the police department, and my father started following me in his car, trying to get me to get in (after him threatening to “beat the shit” out of me earlier, I decided against this). Finally he stopped following me, and I got to the police department. Apparently the police department was closed (it was Saturday), and the emergency phone outside of it did not work.

So I was going to walk to my other friend’s parents’ house (another mile away) to ask them what to do (they are lawyers so I thought they would know). Right before I got there, my father pulled up in a car, and my sister pulled up in a car behind him, and they beat me up and shoved me in one of the cars (people who lived nearby saw this but said nothing). I was dragged home where I was yelled at for another three hours about the same shit again. I had to go to work which they barely allowed me to. I stayed the night with a friend and after work the next day I went home (afraid they would get rid of my things if I didn’t).

They haven’t said much until tonight, and my father basically said I have to find a new place to live by Christmas, or else I’m being kicked out for not being a productive family member. I have a little over $200, so A) I can’t afford rent on my own, and B) my mother has ruined my credit, claiming she has paid for medical bills in my name.

I can’t move out without someone, and all my friends either don’t want to move out or have no money. If I went to a halfway house, I would have to quit my job because the closest halfway house is twenty miles away from my work, and I do not have a license or car. I just don’t know what to do. If I do go to the the hospital via someone else taking me and my parents letting me live with them, I will relapse due to them being mentally abusive (telling me I’m shit that I will never amount to anything on a daily basis). I need someone to tell me what to do because I see literally no way out of this situation.