My best friend is going to have her massive birthday house party on my birthday, and I don’t know what I should do. I am obviously not okay with it, but I don’t know if I’m just being overly dramatic?
We had recently talked about our dreams of having a massive party together. Then she asked me out of the blue in front of some of our other friends if she coulc have her party on my birthday, so I was obviously kind of shocked and just said, “yeah that’s fine,” because I didn’t want to sound like a spoiled brat in front of our friends.
But I’m not okay with it. We go to different schools, so we have different friends, and whenever I have previously been to a party with people from her school, I’ve never liked it that much because they all get super drunk and never do anything fun. So I don’t really want to do that on my birthday. I have often said how I wish I shared a birthday with someone, because I don’t like all the attention. However, I don’t want someone to take my birthday. I just wanted to share. Please help! What should I do? Am i overdoing it and being a brat?!?
LemonVibe 
Well if you don’t have the same circle of friends, then it shouldn’t be a problem to have your own birthday bash?
Unfortunately you have told her it’s ok to have the party on your birthday. Maybe it’s not too late to talk to her and ask her to rather change it?
She should have asked in private and you should have just said no instead of being polite. That is irrelevant now. Just show up for a few minutes to be polite then go do things for your birthday with friends. I hear Moana is great. You could do the movie then late night noshing.
BTW happy early birthday!
I know how you feel and the thing is, nobody cares about your bday as much as you do. People don’t realize it’s a big deal to you unless you let on that it is.
A girl in my extended group of friends shares my birthday, and she has traditionally always thrown a big huge “It’s Suzie’s Birthday!” party to which I’ve always been invited… I’ve never gone because I felt it was totally insensitive and if the situation were reversed (if I were the one throwing the party) I’d make a point to celebrate her as well as myself, reach out to her prior, involve her in the planning, etc. But that being said, I’ve never explained to her that that’s how I feel. I’ve never told her “hey we should throw a joint party and make it even bigger!” Similar to you, I just didn’t want to rock the boat I guess so I kept my hurt feelings to myself.
But the thing is, you told us here that what she’s planning, you aren’t interested in doing. So just don’t go. Plan something else. Tell your boyfriend or a few closer friends “Hey I know Sally is throwing her party on my bday but I’d rather spend it celebrating with just you guys!” and see what they suggest. If they all want to go to her party instead do something with your family instead, go out to dinner, grab a movie, have cake at home, something low key. Birthday letdowns are only a big deal if you let them be. Hang with whoever wants to hang, and let this bday pass. Next year throw your own party!
I know how you feel and the thing is, nobody cares about your bday as much as you do. People don’t realize it’s a big deal to you unless you let on that it is.
A girl in my extended group of friends shares my birthday, and she has traditionally always thrown a big huge “It’s Suzie’s Birthday!” party to which I’ve always been invited… I’ve never gone because I felt it was totally insensitive and if the situation were reversed (if I were the one throwing the party) I’d make a point to celebrate her as well as myself, reach out to her prior, involve her in the planning, etc. But that being said, I’ve never explained to her that that’s how I feel. I’ve never told her “hey we should throw a joint party and make it even bigger!” Similar to you, I just didn’t want to rock the boat I guess so I kept my hurt feelings to myself.
But the thing is, you told us here that what she’s planning, you aren’t interested in doing. So just don’t go. Plan something else. Tell your boyfriend or a few closer friends “Hey I know Sally is throwing her party on my bday but I’d rather spend it celebrating with just you guys!” and see what they suggest. If they all want to go to her party instead do something with your family instead, go out to dinner, grab a movie, have cake at home, something low key. Birthday letdowns are only a big deal if you let them be. Hang with whoever wants to hang, and let this bday pass. Next year throw your own party!
She shouldn’t have put you on the spot in front of people and you shouldn’t have said yes if it wasn’t ok. But both are understandable. The issue really is, can you do your birthday on a different day? Can you talk to her and bring up the interest of a shared birthday party? If you don’t have the same friends maybe you don’t want to mix yours and her friends? I would just get her somewhere private and just ask. If she is your best friend then there shouldn’t be an issue just being honest. Just keep in mind, she did ask you before hand and you did say it was ok. She didn’t do anything wrong as such and so don’t go with any baggage of that as it could cause the conversation to be hijacked by other feelings. If she cares about you then she should listen and be able to discuss it. She may say no, maybe she wants her birthday to be about her and that is fine and as I said, maybe you can have a different night and that might be the best if you’re not balled over by her crowd. Just go with honesty, it most definitely is the best way.