“My boyfriend won’t marry me unless I lose weight”

My boyfriend and I have been dating for some time now. When we began dating, I weighed close to 210 pounds, then dropped to 140, and am now back up to 168.

Recently, he let me know that he doesn’t want to get married until I am in better shape. Obviously, this crushed me, but, he said marriage is forever, and he does not want to have the urge to cheat on me with women who are in better shape.

In the mean time, he assures me he is committed to me, and is very much in love.

Ultimately, I can understand where he is coming from, but, I am left wondering does this mean it isn’t an unconditional love? What happens when I am pregnant, or right after I have a baby?

I feel like I’m not good enough. He assures me that I am, he just wants me to be my best self before he marries me. Does any of this make sense?

7 thoughts on ““My boyfriend won’t marry me unless I lose weight”

  1. Buffusom says:

    Yeah. That is not great. Your response also shows your awareness that you know that is not what you want. Having been a cheater – there is nothing about your partner that makes you want to cheat. It is all him and not you. He sounds controlling and what he said is hurtful. Right? You know it is. Do you think you deserve it? Do you think you can spend your life with someone who says, you deserve love if XYZ. I am sorry girl – but this guy sounds like he does not love you in the way you want to be loved. Get fit, get empowered – but only after ditching this one.

  2. Anonymous says:

    This is typical Narcissistic behavior. I agree with Buff. This is only the tip of the iceberg to come, because this man is going to torture you throughout your adult life as long as you are with him. You will spend time wondering why you wasted time on this man.

    *Get pregnant? Don’t expect him to be with you in the hospital if something happens and you’ve got to be in the hospital for months. Oh and you best lose that weight and not have post partum depression. It’s too hard on him. Might need to cheat on you.

    *Going through the loss of a family member? Better not gain any weight from stress and be around him crying, because you’re not at your best and he might need to cheat on you.

    *Have a medical condition like overactive thyroid or late onset diabetes and gain weight? Well, definitely going to have to cheat on you now.

    *These statements are said in humor.

    If all those star statements seemed ludicrous, that’s because THEY ARE. A man who honestly loves you and will be there for you during the rest of life’s difficulties doesn’t give a rats behind about you gaining weight unless it’s detrimental to your health.

    You can do better than this partner. This goes for men too. Your lady demanding you lose weight before you marry? Run. Don’t look back. (This is coming from a lady, btw.)

  3. Anonymous says:

    I found this is an article, what do you think about this statement?

    “Starting my weight loss journey with him made me realize without a shadow of a doubt that he does not love me for what I look like. If he did, he would have kept silent, and married someone else. Instead, he invested in my personal success. He helped me realize that I am not my weight.”

    • Anonymous says:

      this makes some sense, why isn’t he just leaving now if he doesn’t really care?

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