“Sometimes she seems to care, and other times she doesn’t”

I’ve been meeting up with a girl on and off for a year now. She’s 34 and I’m 22. She’s had bad experiences with men before me – her ex tried drowning her. She loved him, cheated on him, and continues to love him. She has two kids to him and a third to another man. Her daughter was diagnosed with cancer. She doesn’t drive I do so help out with appointments, etc., recently driving 120 miles a day for 3 weeks. She told me she isn’t interested in a relationship, but continues to text and meet me when she’s had a drink. She says I’m 22, and tells me to enjoy myself. She says she isn’t interested in anyone apart from me, and won’t hold me back. I love her and believed her, and if she knew I was seeing a girl, it didn’t stop her from cracking on with me when the notion took her. She says things she shouldn’t, making me think that she loves me.

Two weeks ago, she heads on a night out. Her daughter just had a tumor removed, and I am driving her to and from the hospital everyday. That night, she doesn’t text me like she usually does, so during the week, I make a joke about her meeting a man. She tells me that my brain is doing overtime. The following week, she’s out again. I tell her that my mate saw her out with a man (this is a lie – my mate didn’t see her at all). She agrees she was with someone, and said it was only their second date and that she has nothing to hide. She won’t tell me details on the first date, but I believe it was a day that we kissed on the drive home from the hospital. I tell her I love her, and that this isn’t wise seeing her all the time. She just agrees with me, adding that she’s grateful for everything I have done for her. She doesn’t show much emotion unless she’s had a drink. I’m left feeling confused,  used, and dirty.

She has made a fool of me – why doesn’t she seen to care? Yet, sometimes she does. Why didn’t she try keeping a friendship with me instead of just accepting everything I said?  I dunno if she’s gonna come running back she to me like she has before.  I feel cheated – have I been?

2 thoughts on ““Sometimes she seems to care, and other times she doesn’t”

  1. Anonymous says:

    This woman has a lot going on- a single mom with one child that has cancer, a history of stormy/violent relationships, no way to independently transport herself and family. She’s also got 12 more years of life experience on you.

    When I was 24 I started dating a guy who was 36. He had two kids that I loved,was a lot of fun- but also had two marriages under his belt and going through a divorce. One night he broke up with me and I was absolutely devastated. I recall him saying something to the effect of ‘I’m going to hold you down”. When we exchanged our things he said, “I hope when you are older you’ll understand” – which just made me feel even more dismissed.

    20 years later I have the job of my dreams, living in the city of my choice and have my own child. I now understand 100% where he was coming from, and have nothing but gratitude for him.

    Of course every situation is different, but thought I’d throw a different perspective in there….

  2. Anonymous says:

    You have to be willing to accept a few things here:

    Shes a wreck. At 34, she’s got a host of problems that you, at 22, want no part of. Not only does she have baggage, you are carrying it for her. While some of her life problems are no fault of her own, a person with problems isnt going to be fixed overnight or at all, ESPECIALLY with the drowning stuff. PLUS, if she doesn’t have the ability to be stable and provide herself transportation – thats telling me she’ll never get on her feet. Not to mention the fact she is with some other guy and using you for sex. You HAVE to see that. She even tells you you are 22
    Again, you are 22 and hopefully, have little to no baggage. As a male, you can basically keep this status well into your 50’s if you want. The type of companionship you are currently offering other than sex – financial responsibility – women will look for that till the end of time. However, my point isn’t to find another situation like the one you are in but more that you have PLENTY of time to find women without baggage and that are willing to treat you with way more respect than you are getting. The sex I get but that’s easily found elsewhere. The key here is baggage avoidance at a young age.
    If you feel alone, used, and dirty you already have your answer. No one should ever feel like that in any kind of casual or serious relationship. And if you have talked to her and she is passively nodding her head as she is thinking “just get me to my next 120 miiles mr Uber”, you will NEVER get through to her even if the sex is unbelievable….well, maybe the trade off is worth it for a couple weeks but AFTER THAT…
    I think you know leaving is the only real option to save your well being here. But the most important thing is to NEVER go back. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER. Again, assuming you would put up with this because the sex is unreal and based on the limited facts you’ve given about her behavior, she will do anything possible to manipulate you back into the previous status quo. You have to be strong and resist or you will never break the cycle and she will continue being happy using you sexually and emotionally and getting a free chauffeur.

    Hope that helps.

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