“My wife divorced me, and now wants to get back together”

My wife left me in January after only eight months of marriage. She said she was “100% sure” she couldn’t be happy with me, and that she wasn’t in love with me anymore. She said that I work too much (she wasn’t working at the time). She said awful things to me about my appearance, my personality, and my ability to be loved. I was torn to a million pieces.

She moved out of the house, and while I told her I wouldn’t ask her to love me anymore (that doesn’t work, in my experience), I also said we should slow it down. Go to therapy. Keep in touch. She refused. The only thing I asked was that she not serve me papers at work. I was new, and I was the department head, and my team didn’t need to see me get served at work.

So she served me at work.

A couple of months later, I met an amazing woman. I knew it was risky, but we decided to date. She’s fantastic. She enjoys all the things I do (travel, cooking, wine – all things my wife was lukewarm – at best – about), my friends love her, and she matches my hustle professionally.

And then, almost six months after leaving, my wife decided that she wanted to work things out.

I’m just not sure we can put the toothpaste back in the tube, so-to-speak. I love her endlessly, but I know I would wake up every day wondering if she’d leave again. There are some major issues with her emotionally. She’s controlling. She’s much less mature than me. But a piece of me still feels like, because she’s my wife for at least three more weeks, I should fight for this.

2 thoughts on ““My wife divorced me, and now wants to get back together”

  1. onefemalearch says:


    I know we’re all very righteous about some things, such as giving second chances and so on and so forth… but I wouldn’t if I were you. She left and she was sure, now she needs to live with it. I know things are not that easy because of course you still love her but I agree with you when you say you’ll always wonder if she’ll leave again.

    Honestly I think she figured you were dating someone else and, being controlling as you put it, she came back running because, after all, all the things she told you…apparently someone else likes what she didn’t… This is what I think, maybe I’m totally wrong and she’s so sorry about everything she said to you…

    She hurt you, she will do it again given the chance in my opinion.

    I’d think about the following: does the woman you are dating have the possibility to become more? If she does, keep her and ignore the ex-wife’s request.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    What onefemalearch said.

    I would add that it sounds like your ex-wife has a case of wanting what she can’t have. When you were available, she lost interest in you. And now that you’re not, she’s interested in you again.

    Well, in that case, guess what happens if you make yourself available to her again?

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