“I feel played by my friend-with-benefits”

I’ve developed feelings for my friend-with-benefits. He told me we are just friends; he is not looking for a relationship. I continued to be his fwb.

He stopped calling me for a week, and when I asked him why, he said he had been busy. I said okay. After that, I left him alone for about a week. My girlfriends and I went out of town for a girls weekend, and we posted on Facebook that we were having fun. He is my friend on Facebook too.

That weekend, in the evening, he started calling and texting, but I left my phone in the room since we were out partying. When we got back to the room, I saw he had texted and called a couple times. I did not text back that night. The next day on the way home, he texted me and asked how our weekend went. During this conversation, he told me he wanted to see me and cuddle and kiss me. This dude NEVER kisses or cuddles.

I did go stay the night with him that week. He seemed a little different. We talked more than we ever had. The sex was good. He kept telling me he wanted to come to my house and see me.

After that day, he slowed wayyy down on the texting … like he was ignoring me. But if I did text him, he would answer the text. He would sometimes text me to sext late at night, but I did not allow any sexting, because I felt he was kinda putting me to the side. I noticed he hardly ever texts me at all anymore. But he wanted to add me to his Snapchat? So I added him.

I always saw his stories, and he was out every night clubbing and drinking.
He always looked at my stories. You know this might sound crazy, but I swear he was talking to ME in some of those snaps. Really — the way he looked at the camera. Hmm.

Still no more texting.

One night after about three weeks of no texts, he texted me and was telling me about his day. Because of his lack of texts and attention, I cut him short and told him goodnight. I was polite. A few minutes later, he texted me and said “thanks, nite.” Since then, no more texts, only Snapchat — us two looking at each other’s damn snaps, which btw hurt my feelings constantly, because he was out and about doing only god knows what.

One night, I called him after I got home from the club, only because I saw his snap, and I knew he was out alone. He did not answer. I texted. No response. Yes, I got angry, and I texted a couple of angry texts, like why are you doing this? What are you doing? I texted, you know, if you aren’t into me anymore, why couldn’t you have just told me, so I could have walked away with some of my dignity? That was my last text. No response.

The following day, I unfriended him on Facebook and blocked him on Snapchat. It seriously hurts me seeing him on Snapchat all the time.

It’s been a week, and I’m trying to get over him. Of course, he hasn’t tried to contact me. This has been a hell of a painful ride for me. I know he’s a player or whatever, but it still hurts. I just really feel used and lied to and strung along for a side girl. I tried to break it off three different times with him, but he said he was having fun. That was early in the fwb thing. I stayed because I thought maybe he did really like me. But now look what I let happen to myself!!  Wondering if he will ever try to contact me. Or if he even really gives a damn that I am absent from his life!

2 thoughts on ““I feel played by my friend-with-benefits”

  1. onefemalearch says:

    Hi there 🙂 I’m sorry to hear you went through this kind of thing. I’m actually answering because I went through basically the same thing.
    My answer to your questions is: you shouldn’t care if he’ll contact you again or not…he will eventually but you will be strong enough to ignore it when he does, I know you’ll find it in you if you really want to.
    When this happened to me it lasted for a year…it would go just like how it went with you and this fwb of yours, exactly the same, and I was just as devastated when I figured (finally) that it was him who didn’t deserve someone like me to like him so much and always be there for him when he needed something. Yes I was blind for a while and thought that he wouldn’t keep coming back if he didn’t like me at least some…but after some time I got sick of it and understood that I was the person he turned to when he needed me, not because he liked me, but because I was already there, hooked and available.
    What I did was cut all contact with him as much as possible, no social networks, no texts, no nothing…I also happened to try to avenge myself by looking through Tinder (just as a pass-time) and happened to be really lucky and get myself an amazing boyfriend in the process.
    Me and the guy are still coworkers, makes things a little worse at first, but now every time I happen to talk about my boyfriend (not on purpose) he switches topics…I’d say Karma got him because he now knows he’s got no chance of playing me again.

    So my advice is: be strong, you can have so much better, you deserve someone who really cares for you and doesn’t play you. It will hurt and you may need to cry sometimes but it will be amazing to be able to say “not interested”, and mean it, next time he tries to hook up with you!

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    I think you’re better off doing your best to get over him, rather than wondering whether or not he’s ever going to contact you again, because the bottom line is, he was your FWB. And you should never develop feelings for your FWB.

    Of course, I know this is easier said than done, and we can’t control whom we fall for. So having said that, I think you’re doing the right thing by being proactive about stopping him from contacting you — or at least make it more difficult. Because given how this played out, I can guarantee that he doesn’t actually have romantic feelings for you. If he likes you — or says he likes you — it’s because he likes having sex with you. Because again, that’s the relationship you have. And no matter how you try to twist his sporadic affection, you’ll always end up at this inevitable fact: you’re FWB’s, not anything romantic.

    Or look at it this way: If he really liked you — as in, he had romantic feelings for you and did want to be with you — would he still contact you so sporadically? Or would he actually make some effort to, you know, be with you?

    Framed this way, the answer should hopefully be clear …

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