Hi, I need your help and advice, please.

I have been seeing this girl for about 5 months now, and I think I’m in love with her. The problem, however, is her ex-boyfriend keeps calling and chatting her.

I have discussed how uncomfortable I am with that, but she claims there is nothing going on between them. Recently, she has been saving this guy’s profile pictures on her phone, and even had him as her bbm display once.

Also, I read a chat between her and a colleague, where the colleague was trying to get down with her and kept making silly advances at her. She did not play along with the guy’s flirtations, but I’m worried that she did not show any strong disinterest. Rather, she casually laughed it off and changed the topic. I’m sure the guy is on her neck.

She has tried to convince me that she’s not seeing these other guys, but I’m not settled. I literally burn inside and get very upset whenever I hear her talk to her ex or this colleague.

One minute, I’m laughing and happy, and the next minute, I’m all depressed cos she is talking to these guys.

I hate that I feel this way really. I really wish it would stop.

She’s nice to me and all, and I can’t stop her from talking to guys, but I’m not feeling too secured.

Could this be that I’m obsessed or too petty?

What can I do please? I don’t like this feeling at all.

One thought on ““Insecurity…”

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    The ex issue may be worth some discussion, but the colleague situation is more revealing, so I’m only going to address that:

    What, exactly, would have constituted an appropriate response to her colleague’s advances? What would “strong disinterest” have entailed to you? Did you want her to verbally rebuke him? Slap him away? Call HR?

    Is it possible that, because she has to WORK with this guy, she was trying to be polite and keep things civil? Is it possible that she just didn’t want to be the CRUEL person you seem to want her to be to demonstrate her undying faith to you?

    I think you need to look within yourself and figure out where your utter lack of empathy and ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes stems from. Is it just because you’re insecure? Or is it because you seem a bit selfish and self-centered, too?

    I’m guessing it’s a combination of both. And that’s why I think you need to consider the situation from her perspective first. And then maybe you can learn to let this go and stop being so jealous.

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