Is this real

I’m 22 with our 2nd child on the way, we’ve been together almost 6 years and we’ll I don’t think we are happy some days it’s great we hug and kiss and hold eachother and some days we fight all day long. My doctor said no vaginal intercourse and I’m not into anel. We live in his mother’s house and I can’t keep a job because he always makes me not go then I end up loosing it. He has a full time job and makes pretty good money but he doesn’t know how to budget so we’re consistently broke. I need a bra but we can’t afford it because we’re still scraping by after his ps4 purchase he baught the day before Thanksgiving. Smh because I can’t have sex it’s caused him to act ridiculous. Getting Hella mad if I don’t want to have sex or give him oral last night it got kinda physical when I stopped giving him oral because he kept giving me more and more instructions. Hormones may I remind you are RAGING and I just don’t feel attracted to him and more. My parents do dope and my sisters can’t help me ither. This doesn’t feel like abuse but little things have happened here and there and that’s why I’m here. I’m not open to abortion but I’m just feeling like it’s gonna get worse the more stress we r put under. I don’t want to get hurt while pregnant because I’m not fulfilling his needs I’m just stuck in awe at the fact this is happening

10 thoughts on “Is this real

  1. resullins says:

    [First and foremost… this is abuse. It may not be the stereotypical housewife-with-a-black-eye shit you see on TV… but this is abuse. He’s controlling, manipulative, and emotionally… well, kind of an asshole.

    You’re pregnant with your second child with this guy, still living with his parents, and HE gets angry when he doesn’t get what he wants? I need you to read that sentence again. And again. And maybe just one more time. This is a terrible situation. Get out of it.

    The very first thing you should do is get OUT of his mother’s house. As long as you’re there, you’re dependent on him and his mother, and that puts you in a vulnerable situation. GET OUT. Do you have friends or family that could put you and your first child up for a while? Barring that, look into shelters. Seriously, anything is better than what you’re in right now.

    The second thing you should do is concentrate on the baby. I don’t know how far along you are, but presumably it’s going to be very hard for you to get a brand new job right now… so I would focus on the baby as long as you need to, and then work on getting a job after the baby comes. Until then, you can get on assistance, get on temporary disability, anything to get yourself BACK up on your own two feet.

    Last… get yourself on some birth control. You do not need any more children at your age until you have a job and your own place. I know someone that was in your situation, and she had to get her tubes tied at 26 after she’d had 5 kids. Please please please take control of your own life.

    • MacKenzieR94 says:

      [this 2nd baby wasn’t planned I was on the pill and your right I need to get out but I don’t feel comfortable with a shelter. I don’t know anything about shelters and my family does drugs his family at least I know my kids and I have a safe place to live

    • resullins says:

      [But it’s not safe. That’s the problem. It’s a place with a roof and presumably, some heat… but that doesn’t make it safe. Your children are going to grow up seeing this behavior and assuming it’s normal. Do you really want them raised like that? You’re endangering your children! Plain and simple.

      You have to get out of this situation, and you’re not really in a place to do that right now. So get in a place! Get on assistance if you don’t want to get in a shelter. There’s housing assistance, too. USE IT. And stop making excuses for the situation you’ve gotten yourself in.

    • MacKenzieR94 says:

      [I’m not making excuses I know this is my fault I’m looking for advice

    • Joyce says:

      [It is not safe at all hun!! And, it is not your fault.

      There are different types of shelters. There are the homeless shelters and there are the battered women’s shelters. Go to the battered women’s shelter as I mention in my response below. They will be helpful and provide a safe place to live. Where you are living right now is NOT a safe place to live. As I mention in my response below, continuing living where you are will make the situation worse, not just short-term but long-term. Your children will become like him or like you–they will take the shit he and anyone else who sees they are weak (if you stay with him) deals out to them. It is NOT safe.

    • resullins says:

      [And I gave it to you. Seriously… you can not stay in this situation. You need to get out. So find a way out as opposed to making excuses as to why you can’t. You didn’t offer any viable alternatives, you merely shot down my advice while saying that you know you need to get out.

      You’re approaching this from a “this is my only option” point of view. That’s never going to lead to a positive outcome.

      So let’s approach this from a different perspective… you have to get out. You know you have to get out. So you tell me… what options DO you have? We can go from there.

    • MacKenzieR94 says:

      [He’s saying that I’m crazy and he’s not abusive I know I can go to a shelter but it’s packing up and going that I’m scared of what his family will think and if they try to turn it around on me I know if I tried to leave he would try to take my daughter because I have no job and no home I guess I will look into shelters but I’m scared I’m not trying to shoot down your advice I’ve just been in and out of this relationship for 6 years now and so.ehow I always end up right back. I have no family can take us in right now I’m just in a weird place my hormones are crazy and I’m just looking for options and advice not to be scolded

    • resullins says:

      [And I’m not scolding… but I am saying that there HAVE to be other options. There are ALWAYS other options. So if you’re not going to take the advice you asked for, then you need to present some valid options for your situation.

      You can’t say “help me,” and then shoot down every idea that comes your way.

      Joyce up there is not scolding you. But she’s giving you the exact same advice I am. And when two people who have never met are in agreement on something this serious, you really need to stop and think about it.

    • Joyce says:

      [First of all, you are NOT crazy. HE is the one who is crazy and abusive. As I mentioned before in my response below (in blue), abuse means a variety of things and not just physical–it is MENTAL, which is EXACTLY what is doing to you right now when he said you are crazy (one example from my ex-fiancee was he would tell me something is wrong with me and that I can’t do anything right). It is FINANCIAL–he is obviously wasting the money so you don’t have any and cannot leave, at least in his mind you can’t, but you CAN. Abuse can be SEXUAL–making you do things you don’t want to, this is also called Rape. And, finally, abuse can also be VERBAL–includes yelling at you for no reason (one example I have from my ex-stepfather was if there was a shoe off the rack or a piece of paper or yarn on the floor he would blow up).

      Additionally, as I also mentioned below, which I’m not sure if you have even read my answer…, a local law clinic will help you get restraining orders, child support orders, and orders by the court to grant you sole custody. However, if you do not do this, he may well take your children when you could have done something to prevent this, yet chose not to. Based on your answers to Resullins, it seems while you want to know what others think, but you are not willing to follow through what is best for you and for your children.

      Like I said below, I’ve been there, but I got out. Life is so much better without abusive people in my life.

  2. Joyce says:

    [Hi Is This Real. Yes, it is very real. You’re living it. It is not a situation anyone should be in. Further, by staying in that situation, you’re making it worse, not only for yourself, but for your children. Your children will see and mimic his behavior and your reactions. You want to stop that cycle before it gets worse. That cycle is called abuse. I have had an ex-stepfather and ex-fiancee who were verbally, financially and mentally abusive to myself and family. Abuse does not have to be physical. I got out of those two situations and could not be happier. I have my own life and my own career without being dependent on abusive people. YOU CAN DO IT TOO!!!

    Having said that, you mention your parents and sister cannot help you, that is okay. There are others who will help you–and it is NOT your boyfriend, any of his friends (they may tell him where you are or what you are doing), or his mother (his mother allows him to behave like that regardless of him being an adult)–those people include the battered women’s shelter for help with the baby and a roof over your head, a local law clinic to help with child support orders and restraining orders, and your local county career center to help develop job skills. It may sound like a lot of work, but it is definitely worth it in the long run. Think about it long-term and not just short-term–you’ll have a better life, you can rely on yourself, and you can provide a happy and healthy environment for your children.

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