Possessive?

So, my girlfriend and I have been together for a while and we’ve been mostly happy. We have a few pitfalls, but it’s mostly because I can’t seem to get over her ex. Yes, HER ex. She’s still friends with him, which I knew going into the relationship would be difficult, but I guess it’s harder than I had expected. My girlfriend is terrified of possessive people, and I’m worried that I may be one. Even if it’s just over him. I want to get over him and just be happy with her but I don’t know how. I don’t see him as a threat (I’m not worried about her cheating on me), I don’t think he’s better than me, and there is very little reason for me to be jealous over him, but for some reason, whenever she talks about him it drives me crazy, or when I see the two of them talk happily. I also have a somewhat uncontrollable imagination, so I accidentally imagine the two of them together a lot… I’d rather not ever talk to the guy, but if I have to I will…Please help me. Thanks!

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One thought on “Possessive?

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    [Well, I think self-awareness here is an important factor, and I can see that you’re aware that this is on you, and it’s not something overt your girlfriend or her ex are doing.

    I totally understand that it can be difficult when your significant other is still friends with her ex, but successful relationships are also based on trust, so you have to be willing — and able — to trust her. And it sounds like you do, so that’s good. 🙂

    Having said that, if you’re having a hard time not being jealous, I think you can broach the topic with your girlfriend, and maybe the two of you can work something out. You’ll want to be very clear that you *do* trust her, and it’s not anything she’s done. You just feel jealous and aren’t sure what to do.

    Who knows? Maybe she’ll find it kind of endearing (you know, as long as you’re not insanely jealous). And maybe she will be willing to dial back her contact with her ex a bit. Not that she’s under any obligation to, of course. I don’t think you should put any pressure on her to do that. But if you and she do have a good relationship, as long as you’re clear that this is *your* issue, maybe she will be willing to help you work through it.

    Or… you can just suck it up and deal with it. It’s totally up to you. 🙂

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