Keeping her head in the game

So I’ve been with my fiancee for about 7 years now. About three years ago, our sex life began to look somewhat questionable. We’ve since been working to get things more regular and enjoyable. I’ve been having a hard time getting her to the end, by any means. And I have invested significant amounts of time, I would gladly stay down there for another hour, but she usually cuts it off. Her claim is that her mind wanders, she thinks about groceries and house chores. I’ve diagnosed this situation as sexual add. I think, at least in part, there’s something for me to do here to pull her into the game better. Though after I make that assertion, I do find myself without great ideas.

Maybe our sex isn’t that hot, sometimes i find myself thinking back to our hottest sessions together, that’s how i get to the end. And I feel she too should do her best to stay in the right headspace. But can I blame her if it’s a struggle to mentally achieve a sexual place? So to a certain degree, we’re both a bit ‘off’.

4 thoughts on “Keeping her head in the game

  1. resullins says:

    [Dude, I’m with your girlfriend on this one. That happens to me all the time. And it really has nothing to do with my SO’s performance. He tries, and he’s good at what he does, the fact of the matter is… life gets in the way of sex. It happens.

    The only thing I can suggest is that you’re going to have to make it special sometimes. You’re going to have to flirt with her, play with her, get her WAY in the mood before-hand, and you’ll bring out the passion. Often-times, routine sex DOES become a chore, just like the groceries or the housework. And it’s partially up to you to make it an event. Granted, this won’t work EVERY time. Sometime you just gotta get in there and bang it out. But every once in a while, make it special. And when she gets that excitement back, it’ll make the routine seem a little less routine.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    [It’s hard not to place our sense of manhood on whether or not we can please a woman, so I feel you. I’ve dated women who don’t “finish” very easily, and sex with them always made me feel like less of a man somehow, despite their reassurances that they were enjoying it.

    But then, I realized that sex is like life: It’s the journey, not the destination, that counts. As long as both of you are enjoying the act, I don’t think it matters as much whether or not one finishes, or even how long it lasts.

    If her mind wanders, and she seems to be losing interest, then maybe you should just stop, take a break, do something else, and come back to it later. Don’t feel like she *has* to finish every time. Because there’s nothing like the added pressure of trying to finish that will pretty much guarantee it’s not going to happen.

    And what resullins said. Every couple is going to find their sex lives becoming more mundane sometimes. As long as you’re both willing to make the effort to bring the excitement back, I think that’s what will count in the end.

  3. Joyce says:

    [So, I agree with both resullins and Dennis for the most part. However, while my mind sometimes does wander during sex, I always attempt to let it go. That usually works. Have you suggested to your fiancee that? Perhaps, it would be better for her to see this blurb. When my mind wanders, I tell myself to let go and focus on the pleasure in the present (because the life issues will be there after sex anyways).

    Further, I would suggest exploring other sexual positions, ideas like bondage if you’re into that, using sex toys, role playing, etc., even if it is awkward at first, you’ll laugh at it and become more comfortable with each other and enjoy it more. And, don’t do this more than a few times a month because then it’ll become mundane, in order to keep sex exciting and pleasurable. Try putting sex on the calendar once a month or week, etc. of sex, that way you both can look forward to it, and both of you (and especially your fiancee) can think about sex prior to that day to get in the mood. For women it’s harder to get in the mood, hence my suggestion of putting it on the calendar and just thinking about anything in a sexual way helps too.

    Hope that helps!

  4. kerplunkLYN says:

    [I would recommend a weekend away (even if only a staycation at a local hotel). For me, a change of scenery does wonders for my mood as I’m never worried about the dishes in the sink or the laundry that needs to be folded when I’m in a hotel room. 🙂

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