Is she into me or am I imagining things?

Hello everyone,
I just wrote a blurb with about 5000 characters and after hitting ‘submit’, it was all gone… yay me!

So here we go again:
This summer, I met a woman through work. She was based 1000 km away in another country (we’re both in Europe), but I could tell from her accent she must originally be from somewhere close by.

Shortly after we started working together, she tells me she is on gardening leave until the end of year with full pay and would I be interested in grabbing lunch when she is in town (visiting old friends)? Sure, why not. She seems pleasant enough.

We meet and she is not only pleasant and charming, but also super attractive. Out of my league (also, no way she’s single). We mostly talk about travel, as I was in a similar situation the year before and spent almost two months traveling. Lunch is over and I figure I’m never going to see her again or at least not for a long time. But, I do see her again, only four days later. We go for lunch again and I try to fish for some information, like what is her relationship status (by talking about me being single, not by asking her directly!). She isn’t saying anything though.
We keep meeting every now and again, always for lunch or coffee, never in the evening. I pushed (not too hard, admittedly) for a dinner date or going for a drink in the evening but she never went for it. She always seemed to entertain my suggestion for a bit, but ultimately shut it down. Except once, when she got off a train coming through my town to grab a quick drink with me and then took the next train to her actual destination. But we barely had an hour.

We have one last lunch before she takes off on a cruise with her mother. It’s a bit awkward as I’m not sure what to do, but still pleasant. I suggest another meeting, which she at first agrees to, then tells me she’d rather stay in, pack her bags and watch Twilight. During the early days of the cruise, she sometimes texts me. Then nothing for 2+ weeks. She gets back home on a weekend, the Monday morning after, she texts me, telling me how amazing it was and that I need to come with her on a cruise to Asia next year (she is going with a group of people she met on this trip, she quickly adds).
We decide to meet for coffee one morning and somehow end up also sneaking a bottle of sparkling wine into the place, which we also drink. Before and after this meeting, we both tell each other how we’re looking forward to be seeing the other one again and how much we enjoyed it afterwards.
She is then moving on to spend the weekend with the people she met on the cruise. To my surprise, she keeps texting me and sending me pictures of what she’s up to all weekend. I reply in kind.
She then goes home for a week, before she takes off for Brazil where she’s meeting friends from University. At first we stay in touch during the week, then she falls silent. I ask when her plane leaves, no response. On the day I think she’s leaving (two days after my last text and no response from her), I text her again wishing her a good trip. She replies from her layover and we chat for a few minutes before she has to go on her plane.
Since then, I only sent one message asking if she arrived okay and telling her how freezing cold it was here. I haven’t heard from her in three days.

1) as it says in the title: is she into me or am I imagining things?
2) there are good reasons for her not getting back to me: besides being on these trips, she is also moving to another city for a new job after she gets back from Brazil. And she hasn’t seen the people she is with in Brazil for years. Still, when you are interested in someone, you’d find the time to stay in touch, no?
3) What should I do? Keep texting her even when she’s not replying? I don’t want to seem clingy or over-eager, but I also feel like there can be no harm in showing her I’m interested in being involved in her life… Right?

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10 thoughts on “Is she into me or am I imagining things?

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    [Yikes, sorry about that! Can you describe the error message you got, or what you saw after you hit submit? We’re still building the site, so we’re trying to catch as many bugs as we can.

    As for your question, let me ponder that for a bit and get back to you on that. 🙂 In the meantime, maybe someone else will chime in.

  2. null says:

    [I got an error about not being logged in, if I remember correctly. Maybe I took too long to write the blurb?

    • Dennis Hong says:

      [Gotcha. Okay, I’ll let my developer know that something might be wrong with the login. Sorry again!

  3. Dennis Hong says:

    [Okay, now that I’ve had a chance to read through your blurb, here is my blunt answer:

    I wouldn’t go as far as to say she’s playing you, but given your description, I see zero indication that she’s interested in you romantically. As a friend? Sure. But as potential dating material? Nope, I just don’t get that vibe.

    It’s funny, I was hanging out with a buddy today, and your story mirrors something he told me almost exactly. A lot of guys get stuck in the friend zone because they’re too timid to actually ask the girl out. But, that’s not the case here. You made it clear you wanted to take her out, and she blew you off. That, to me, is your sign right there.

    Honestly, I think she just likes the attention she gets from you, and notice she flirts and keeps in touch with you just enough to maintain your interest, but then does nothing more to pursue it.

    Of course, I may be wrong, and people’s feelings can change. But, I say the odds are pretty slim that she’s interested, and from the way you described the situation, I feel like deep down, you know that. Yeah?

    • null says:

      [(I just noticed this thing offers threaded comments!)

      It’s funny when you hear/see things reflected like that. Before she left on that cruise I would have been right there with you. I wasn’t pursuing her too hard (since I was kinda-sorta seeing another girl at the same time and that seemed more realistic to me) and didn’t feel like there was a big chance of this ever going anywhere other than friendship, especially considering we live on pretty much opposite ends of the country.

      But… the thing with the other girl went nowhere and once this one got back from the cruise, something changed. I can’t put my finger on it, but I just get a different vibe from her. Maybe it’s because I’m putting more effort in, where I was happy to just let things play out and see where they go before. I know what it’s like to be friend-zoned (plenty of experience, in fact) and this doesn’t feel like it. For one thing, I feel pretty optimistic about asking her out and not getting turned down again. Also, she did send a short message last night. Nothing too deep or meaningful, basically an electronic post card, but still.

      Anyway, I think in some roundabout way, this made some things clearer for me. So thanks!

    • EricaSwagger says:

      [Have to chime in on this: “Honestly, I think she just likes the attention she gets from you, and notice she flirts and keeps in touch with you just enough to maintain your interest, but then does nothing more to pursue it.

      Dennis totally nailed it.

      I can (somewhat shamefully) admit that I’ve acted the exact same way on far too many occasions.
      Knowing someone wants to see you is a great feeling. But unless a girl is actually really interested, she just won’t make an effort. And that’s what’s happening here.

  4. Rick says:

    [In my own personal opinion you two have hung out too much without making any moves for her to be interested in you. Maybe she was interested in the beginning, maybe she wasn’t, but given her unwillingness to actually go out with you I’d lean more toward the latter.

    It’s up to you to determine how to proceed forward, but if I like a girl I will pursue her until something happens or she tells me she’s not interested. My definition of “pursue” might be different than yours, though, considering you don’t seem to have made any advances on her. Are you waiting for her to make the first move? Do you actually feely chemistry between the two of you? Do you ever talk about sex or what turns either of you on? Or do you just talk about typical friend shit?

    • null says:

      [I don’t think she was interested in the beginning, neither of us really were. Just meeting somebody we knew through work.

      And no, I’m not waiting for her to make a move, that’s not how it works over here 😉
      But I do think my somewhat neutral approach is something that intrigued (for wont of a better word) her as she occasionally complained about how every guy under the sun tried to use any flimsy excuse to score a date with her (as in recruiters asking her out for dinner despite not having any job offers for her), whereas I was quite content to let her dictate the rules to a degree (as I wrote above, I was seeing another girl at the time as well).
      There is definitely chemistry and, yes, it is up to me to pursue her until I know for sure one way or the other.

    • Dennis Hong says:

      [Fair enough. You don’t have anything to lose by asking her out, so do it, and… good luck!

      Let us know how it goes if you’d like.

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