Is it wrong?

I met a really nice guy a few months ago. I teach a class and he comes every week. He started staying after every once in a while and asking questions about the class, and thus we ended up building a friendship over time. A couple times he invited me to events with his friends, and I declined. I thought maybe he was hitting on me, but then I found out he was married(as am I), so i felt comfortable. Then he offered to take me along with him to his job(he is a cop), and then I was all about it! I’ve always wanted to go on a ride along.

So, over the hours we got to know each other pretty well. He opened up about his personal life some, and mentioned his wife was extremely jealous. I asked how his wife feels about me riding along and he said she didn’t know because she would flip out with jealousy. I thought that was odd. I share everything with my husband and can’t imagine not telling him things. But, then again, neither of us are jealous people.

We went running the other day. We went swimming. Had a great time. We text a lot. I really enjoy his friendship. He has a great sense of humor, he is really easy to talk with, and he is a great running and swimming partner. I think he is enjoying my company too. It seems as if his relationship isn’t fulfilling him and he needs to vent about it. He seems like he is on the fence about what to do with his marriage. Or maybe just talking about it with someone is helping him work through some of his feelings. He seems like he is lonely even though he is married. And I enjoy his company and feel he can be a great friend.

But here’s the thing. His wife knows about me, but doesn’t know the extent of our relationship. And then I wonder if I am wrong for even being friends with this guy? Nothing is going on. Nothing will. But either way, his wife would be mad if he had a friend who is a girl. How do I deal with this? I don’t want to lose a friend, but I don’t want to disturb a relationship. I also think it is really stupid that someone would be so jealous!

3 thoughts on “Is it wrong?

  1. DavidIsGreat says:

    [You aren’t really wrong right now, but he really should be honest with his wife. I’d still say that if you are uncomfortable, you should probably stop.

    You can’t really control anything in their relationship. She might always be jealous. He might always hide female friends. But it’s probably mostly harmless until you have reason to think otherwise.

  2. Maracuya says:

    [I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with your actions, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a friend who had to hide me from their significant other.

    Also, let’s note here: the only person who you have heard talk about his wife’s crazy jealousy …is him. And even if she is jealous that could be he builds up opposite-sex friendships that he hides from his wife, while spending a lot of time together with his friend, having fun and yet talking smack about his wife and marriage.

    Let’s be honest here, with “It seems as if his relationship isn’t fulfilling him. He seems like he is on the fence about what to do with his marriage. He seems like he is lonely even though he is married.,” seems like a set-up talk for an affair. Even if that’s not what you want, he painted this picture of himself as a fun, awesome guy tied down by an insane/jealous wife. Follow up: Have you met any of his other friends? Do they all know about you; do any of them else corroborate his “wife is a crazy bitch” stories? I’m curious.

  3. Solstice says:

    [It sounds like you’re bordering on dangerous territory, so be careful. I would try to tone it down a bit, because imagine how upset his wife will be if she finds out how much time you’ve been spending together, even just as friends.

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