Is my friend cheating on her husband?

My boyfriend “Jared” and I have been dating for almost a year now. We met at the wedding of my friend “Sarah” to his friend “Mark.” Sarah and I know each other from college, and Jared and Mark are both active duty military.

Mark has been on deployment for a few months, so Sarah is on her own right now. Last weekend, Jared and I went to dinner. Afterwards, we decided to go for a walk along the beach. That’s when we ran into Sarah and a guy we didn’t know. They were just standing next to each other on the pier, watching the waves. We said hi to each other, and that was about it.

As we walked off, Jared was fuming. He said, “She’s so busted.”

I asked what was going on, and he replied that it was obvious Sarah was cheating on Mark. I was kind of surprised, because when we saw them, they were just standing next to each other. But he explained that their body language gave away what they were doing, and they probably saw us coming and backed off of each other.

And now, the more I think about the whole incident, the more I think Jared might be right. Sarah _was_ acting kind of suspicious. She just sort of blew us off and didn’t even bother to introduce us to the guy. And normally, she totally would.

So, how do I approach this? Obviously, Jared is going to be looking out for his friend Mark. And to be honest, Sarah and I are friends, and I have her to thank for me even meeting Jared in the first place, but it’s not like we’re best friends or anything. I don’t want to create drama if there isn’t any, but the whole situation just seems so sketchy now.

Jared and Mark are really close, so he obviously thinks we need to say something. He wants to tell Mark, but I don’t think that’s going to help since he won’t be back for a few more months, anyway. So what’s he going to be able to do?

I think we should confront Sarah. But, what do we say to her?

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14 thoughts on “Is my friend cheating on her husband?

  1. MargieCharles says:

    [You are taking a few seconds worth of something you saw and inferring A LOT onto it.

    Could she be cheating on her husband? Sure. But you don’t know that. You saw two people standing next to each other.

    You didn’t even think anything was amiss until Jared said something. If you thought there was something shady about it, I think you would have felt that in the moment. But since it took Jared bringing it up for you to see it, I think you’re having this reaction more because his perception is peppering your own experience, rather than coming to that conclusion on your own.

  2. Missy says:

    [Yeesh. I’d back off of this one. Neither of you saw anything going on, so for the sake of your friendships and relationships, I would let it go.

  3. Eleanor Roosevelt says:

    [You saw two people standing next to each other on the beach. If that’s cheating, then I think a lot more marriages are in trouble than just Sarah and Mark’s.

  4. Solstice says:

    [I agree with Missy. You really have no proof. She could’ve just met an old friend for dinner and if it was a nice night they might’ve went to the beach to take a walk and continue catching up. It might look suspicious to the eye, but unless you have proof, it seems like you’ll just be stirring up trouble.

  5. BreckEffect says:

    [Since you are friends with Sarah, you could talk to her on your own. Explain that after running into her the other day, you wondered who her friend was. Just see if you can get a little more information about the situation before jumping to conclusions. If she has a reasonable explanation (her cousin was visiting! a friend from work!) it might help keep Jared from creating a big problem for Mark while there’s nothing Mark can do about it. Let him come home and then he and Sarah can deal with whatever is going on in their marriage, if anything.

  6. Happy Pants says:

    [Did you see them having sex? Kissing? Holding hands? Did you overhear them say how much they cared about each other?

    No? If there’s no proof, don’t get involved. At *most*, talk to Sarah about it, but even then, I don’t know if I’d say anything. You even said in your post that at first you didn’t think anything was up, and it was only after Jared mentioned it that you started thinking about it. You both may be reading way too much into this.

  7. DavidIsGreat says:

    [If you saw them in the act I wouldn’t tell either. You don’t know what’s what and don’t want to mess things up without fully understanding.

    If I caught them in the act I would talk to Sarah, but how do you know they don’t have an arrangement or their marriage isn’t already falling apart or something?

  8. Dennis Hong says:

    [I agree with everyone that you just don’t have enough evidence to make a big deal about this. If you must, talk to Sarah about it (and I’d recommend doing it alone, since Jared is Mark’s friend, so that could make her feel uncomfortable). Just make sure you do it in as non-confrontational a manner as possible. Her response may give you a better idea of whether or not something is going on there, and you can reassess from there.

    Then again, if she is in fact cheating, and she’s just that good a liar, and she replies coolly that nothing’s going on… welp the bottom line is that you have no evidence. So, unfortunately, you have to let this one go.

  9. fast eddie says:

    [To play the role of being the devil’s advocate let’s look at it from their perspective. “Sarah” is a young healthy woman that has human wants and needs. She’s lonely and gets horny just like the rest of the people in the world. The only complication is that she’s married and that’s the rub but stepping aside from her marriage isn’t something to be undertaken without lot’s of consideration and “Jared” is assuming a role of overseer. Frankly it’s none of his or your business. Friendships have limits and to poke your nose into theirs is not only asking for trouble it’s stirring some up. Nothing you do or say will make any difference anyway. In the end you will likely loose your fiend over it. Tell “Jared” to get off his high horse and loose his controlling attitude.

  10. theattack says:

    [You and Jared have two different roles here. I don’t think you should be asking what the both of you should do. Jared very well might have an obligation to tell Mark, and you shouldn’t interfere with that. My best friend and I would alert each other to fishy things, and if we neglected to do that because of an SO, it would be totally unacceptable. Let him do what he thinks he needs to do.

    Now what should YOU do? At most, ask Sarah in conversation who he was, just because you were curious. Do not imply anything’s going on. Do not ask it in a way that indicates you’re suspicious. And if she does tell you that she’s cheating on Mark, don’t tell him or Jared. She would be telling you in confidence, and you’re not responsible for keeping their marriage together. They are.

  11. Kelly says:

    [Totally agree that you can’t possibly know from what you saw that she’s cheating. However, you also can’t stop anyone else from telling her husband that she was.

    I’m really curious how that conversation will go though. “Hey Mark, I just thought you should know that I saw Sarah standing with a guy.” Hopefully, you’re prepared to stop standing with any guy but Jared from now on since clearly he is against standing with someone when you’re in a relationship with someone else.

  12. lilredbmw says:

    [I think you might need to give her the benefit of the doubt here. Had you seen something, then maybe we could be giving advise on what to do then. But, as it stands now, there is nothing to base anything off of. I know it’s hard because you want to protect Mark, but jumping to conclusions won’t help anyone in this case.

  13. aa88 says:

    [Thank you, everyone. I see what all of you are saying, and I’m not going to say anything to Sarah for now. Jared won’t say anything to Mark, either. The situation still seems kind of sketchy, though, so we’ll have to wait and see what happens.

  14. Maracuya says:

    [This is late to the thread, but even though everyone’s like, “She’s just standing next to a guy!” that doesn’t mean we can sense the vibe she felt. There’s been plenty of times where I’ve guessed uncoupled up people were in the beginnings of seeing each other just based on personal interactions with them. You just “know,” or your mind puts together a lot of little tiny facts to give you your intuition. However, like everyone else said, intuition isn’t enough of a reason to tell someone you saw their wife cheating on them. I’d wait and see, like you said.

    I hope it all works out and it was just an overactive imagination for your friendship’s sake

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