We have a great discussion going on about the stigma about (around? of? surrounding?) Online dating. There was some talking (fighting? name-calling?) about having a story to how you met that special someone.

So what about those great stories of how you met that person? What’s the story of how you met your best friend? What’s the lie you tell your parents because Latex Night at The Spankatorium just raises too many questions?

This can only potentially work if neither person is dating someone new, I feel. But can you HONESTLY be friends with an ex? Meet up for lunch one day, or go out to watch your favorite sports team, etc.? Is this ever possible?

I’ve recently noticed that my idea of what is a “friend” and what others view as a friend are two entirely different concepts.
For myself, I don’t count people as friends unless their lives concern me in some way. Friends are people I go out of my way to help, to console when needed and who I can count on to be there for me when I need the same.
I consider people that I share a passing interest with an acquaintance. These people are those that I can call up if I’m looking to party or go to an event with or what not whenever our interests align. They are people that I trust to have good company around for the occasion, but I don’t get involved in their life anymore than they do mine.
So where do you define “friend?” How is that determination made for you?

THIS IS NOT A QUESTION!
Now that THAT is out of the way! If i’m friends with you on Facebook, you may have seen this post. The other night Babe was taking pictures of me in two different outfits so that I could compare the two for an upcoming event. Well it was a new phone, and he wasnt sure what he was doing, and ended up video recording instead of still pictures. He took two different videos, one without us knowing he was doing so, and one when he knew, and tried to convince me he wasnt. Since it was just the two of us, we were acting normal and comfortable. Watching the videos later, we got to actually SEE how we interact. You think you know, but seeing it is something else. Him and i live together, see each other every day, and interact every day. But i never SAW it, i just lived it. It was AMAZING! To us it had been a normal moment, watching it we got to see how much we joke, tease, laugh, smile, and how we really look when we are looking at each other. I did not realize how much love I convey through MY eyes. I can see it in his, he can see it in mine, but you cant see it in yourself. So, guys or girls, when trying to ‘take a picture’ with your phone or camera, try video taping without the other knowing. And of course it will only work if you are acting natural. But let me tell you, since watching that together, we both agree we have a new perspective on our relationship. And its a good one. 🙂

Ok, so I have a male friend, who has liked me for pretty much as long as we’ve known each other, which has been about two years. While there was a bit of an initial attraction, and we went out twice not long after meeting each other, for a number of reasons I ended up being not interested in anything romantic and I gave him the “let’s just be friends” speech (we never even kissed). He took it fine, and in the meantime I’ve since dated other guys and mentioned them to him and he seemed ok with that.

But, I know he still has feelings for me (apparently last summer he called a meeting with a mutual friend to ask what he should do about me!), and when I became single again last spring, he stepped up his efforts to see me and hang out. We don’t live in the same town anymore but he comes to my town frequently and, again, makes a lot of effort to meet up. I accept sometimes and sometimes I don’t, but when I go to where he lives I NEVER try to meet up with him.

So, the real problem is that I am dating someone new, and while I’ve talked about him to my friend, I have been hesitant to call my new guy my boyfriend (for my own stupid insecure reasons), but yet I really feel like he should know that I’m off the market. I just feel bad, and I don’t want to make assumptions or have some awkward discussion with him. Another friend suggested I just say in answer to the last email asking me to hang out “oh, well thursday I can’t because this guy I’m dating is taking me to a concert” or something like that. Too blatant? What should I do?

Here’s a simple problem I solved completely by avoiding it, but maybe you’d like to weigh in anyway: I had friends that got together and dated. Somehow the change in their relationship (from friends to lovers) messed with the politics of our friendship dynamic and things felt awkward. I wasn’t comfortable talking about their coupling but it was right there in the open and totally weird to not talk about. We didn’t talk about it. I eventually got the hell out of there and gradually, after their break-up, all of us stopped being friends.

How could I have handled this better?

My boyfriend and I met online. There, I said it. It’s out in the open.

However, we still tell people that we met at a bar. Our close friends know the real story, but for everyone else… we give them the bar bit. And then I started thinking about it… and in what world does meeting someone at a bar have LESS of a stigma than meeting online?

Has anyone else here met someone online? What do you tell people? What do you think about going online to shop for a mate? I’m curious as to what the real opinion of society is these days.

We’ve all been there. We see a cute guy or girl across the room, share a moment of eye contact (was that eye contact? or was he just looking at the screen behind me? OMG WE’RE SOULMATES.), and decide we’d like to get to know this person. Biblically, perhaps.

It can be in a bar, a store, a concert, a house party, class, anywhere. My question is: what are the things about a complete stranger that will get you to go over to him or her and strike up a conversation? And what’s the best way to go about that?

I’m currently living with one of my best friends, Aiden. We met in college and got along immediately. We have a lot of similarities, interests, and people even often mistake us for brothers.

Aiden moved to my city a few months after I did because there wasn’t much opportunity where he was currently living. Because he was moving without any full-time job prospects I told him I would understand if he was behind in rent/bills the first month while looking for work.

We both had an understanding that he would look for any, and all, work just so he would have an income to cover financial responsibilities as soon as possible.

It didn’t take him long to find a job at a local restaurant, as a server, for a paycheck while looking for more “career-type” work.

Within about a month from getting the server job he got a job more along the lines of his interests and career; and a significant increase in pay (at least $2000 a month from what I saw on a pay stub he left on the kitchen table one day).

Last month I lost my job so currently the only income I have is a weekly unemployment check.

We have now been living together for 6 months…and he has yet to pay me any money for his part of rent and utilities. He’s had months to start paying me back but when I’ve asked him (monthly) he says either that he doesn’t have the money or he’s still catching up on some other debts.

This is the first I’ve heard of “other debts”. Even if he does have other debts why does he think that I have to shoulder the burden of picking up his slack when trying to pay off those debts?

I’m left wondering where does his money go if he’s mainly spending it on his personal cell phone bill, food and going out with his friends?

I’ve even resorted to leaving an itemized “bill” on a sheet of paper stuck to the fridge. An interesting thing is that the mornings after he’s had friends over (which often carries over late into the night) I’ll find the paper on top of the fridge, like he’s hiding it from his friends…perhaps so they don’t know how unreliable he is.

I’m at the point where I don’t really know what to do. We’re both on the lease so I don’t feel I can really kick him out. And even if I did, after speaking with the leasing agents at my complex they said they wouldn’t have any power to go after him. As long as one of the people on the lease is around they just care about getting their money. So, simply put, he could completely disappear and I’d be stuck with everything as they view it as a roommate agreement and not a breach of their contract since I was still present.

*Edit – I forgot to mention that for the last month (maybe two) it is obvious he is trying to avoid me. Whenever I’m in the common area when he gets home he goes immediately into his room and will not come out until I’ve gone to my room.

I’ve tested this by going to my room at different times every night for the last 3 evenings and each night I hear him come out of his roommate within 10-15 minutes of my leaving.*

This is something my friends and I joke about a lot because we see people on facebook whose relationship status changes weekly. I know to some people announcing the relationship to friends is important, so they post it right away, while others might be more reserved and would rather not make an announcement until their sure.
When, if ever, do you post something like that to your facebook, twitter, tumblr, blog, etc…? Is there a certain point where it feels like you’re hiding the relationship if you don’t post it?