Sorry this is so long but please read. I need help!
Well, it started the summer before last. 2015. Me & my now ex husband split. I was crushed. So I spent the next 4 months piecing life together. In October, I met a really funny & great guy named Jamie. It took me a lil bit to warm up to him but soon I loved him. Was in love with him. That coming up March, I found out I had to have a partial hysterectomy. So I had it. Jamie was right by my side. A few weeks after that, I found out my only sibling, my little brother, was killed in a fatal car crash. Sadly, his wife gave birth to my niece a few weeks after that. It was the most bitter sweet moment of my life. She looks just like him! Again, Jamie was there for me. A few weeks after that, my youngest son, was in a wreck on his way to prom, & was blessed to have walked away. My heart stopped! Again, Jamie was there.
Then last summer about this time, I tore my ACL in my knee & had to have another surgery, along with physical therapy & time off work. Jamie was there. My grandma passed away Christmas. He was there. We had a few more rough financial times along the way.
It’s been about a month now since we split. I love this man. I would have done anything for this man. But he beat me several times. Once in front of his 12 year old son. But I loved him. He was talking to his ex-wife & ex-girlfriend behind my back. He’s a meth head, come to find out & so we’re they. So we split & I got an order of protection against him. Him & his ex girlfriend moved in when I left, and would make fake Facebook profiles & harass me. His sister has harassed me. I had to go to court over the no contact charge. He stared at me the whole time shaking his head.
Keep in mind, Jamie is a convicted felon & still on felony probation for pulling a gun on someone. He says I’ve slandered him online. But when people ask me what happened, I told them the truth. He won’t give me my furniture back so I’m having to take him to a small claims court to try to get it back. It was all mine when we moved in. Idk why he wants to keep it anyway. On top of all that the past month, I was in the hospital for a kidney stone & my brakes went out on my truck. Life had humbled me to say the least. I joined a pro life suicide forum but I’m seeking the Lord & want Christian encouragement. I need god more than ever in this dark time in my life. I need strength for my boys, parents & others.
I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression & anxiety disorder. Now they believe I have ptsd because of all this I’ve gone through. This stress has caused me extreme weight loss. I can’t hardly eat or sleep.
I have one more problem. Since my split & leaving everything behind, a good guy friend has let me stay with him & is helping me get on my feet. He’s “loved” me for a long time he says. I have no doubt he does. I’m very thankful to him in my time of need & love him to death, but I don’t feel that “relationship” love towards him, like he does to me. I’ve explained this to him & he doesn’t really pressure me into a relationship, but makes comments about it frequently. He knows I want my own place & I’ll get it when I’m back on my feet.
When I do get back up & ready to date again, how do I do it without hurting his feelings? In no way shape, form or fashion do I want him to ever think I’m “using him”, because I never want to do that to anybody. While I’m job searching & getting back up, I clean for him & work around the house. Anything I can to help. When I do get a job it’ll take a bit to save up for a place & I’ll be able to help out financially. I just never want to hurt him. I see & love him like I would my brother. I just can’t see him the way he sees me. I’m just being honest here. He will always be one of my best friends, but when I’m on my own, how do I move on without hurting him or him thinking I’ve used him?
2 thoughts on ““I’m going through a tough time and not ready for a relationship””
First off internet hugs. I’m sorry life has been hard for you. That sucked. Don’t let anyone tell you “it could be worse” or any such stupid platitude. That sucked and I hope you get on your feet soon. Congrats for getting out and getting the help you needed. I hope your boys are ok.
You have told him strait up. It may take you years before you are ok and until then you aren’t going to think about a relationship at all. Tell him to please date others. You’re not lying to him to say you aren’t ready and may never be ready again for a relationship after all you’ve been through.
Worry only about getting your life strait again and not for someone trying to play white knight with a ulterior motive. Best wishes to you.
I am so sorry for everything that you’ve been through. You really deserve better and one day better things will come.
The friend that you are staying with understands that you do not have feelings for him because you’ve told him that you don’t. You love him like you’d love a brother. You said as much. When the time comes that you’ve healed and you’re ready to move on with your life, he as someone who cares about you is going to have to accept that something romantic cannot come from what you two have. If he truly is a good friend, you don’t have to worry about him feeling like you’ve used him because he will understand that you were staying with him while you were in a bad place. There is nothing you can do once you’ve healed and you’re ready to move on to stop his feelings from being hurt if he’s misinterpreted something. The only thing you can do is continue to be completely honest with him about what you feel. I hope this helps.