This is insane. 23 years ago, I got pregnant with a child, and the father was 9 years older than me. He was a felon just released on parole, and I was a 16 year old in a catholic school. I truly loved him and married him at 18.
He did go back to prison and for the next 10 years, he was in and out of prison. I continued on with life, and got married to another man, and had another child. Since then, I divorced him, and moved back home. My child’s father became a big part of life and has totally changed his life for the better, he has an amazing job, and for the first time in his life is stable. We have always remained in contact, however he did not have visits with my child, as prison wasn’t somewhere I’d want her to be, and he knew that it’d not be good for her. I have always written to him and always have been there for him.
For our daughter’s 16th birthday we had a surprise party, both of us got drunk and ended up sleeping together. For me it brought back a lot of memories and a lot of feelings, so I had to end it immediately and only talk on the phone . I did that until graduation, then the same thing happened. No one knew anything, especially our daughter.
My parents passed away a year ago which was absolutely devastating to me, my father took care of my house and repairs and I needed my bathroom done, so he agreed to do it.
I have been with my current boyfriend for about 3 years, we live together, he’s a good person and he loves me with everything he has. I love him, but I’m not in love with him. That’s always been the problem. He is friends with my ex-husband. They get along really well and things have always been okay with those two. Last year, our daughter had an issue, my ex husband and his girlfriend broke up, he was moving out and our daughter needed a different place, my ex husband purchased her a home, was remodeling it and needed a place to stay. He moved in with us…damn.
At first it was okay, I had no problems, until we went together to get my grandson. I have him all day, sometimes he’s here days at a time, and I cannot stop thinking about the what if’s. I ended up fucking around with him, and felt terrible. He moved out two days later, we didn’t talk for 3 months and then my boyfriend ran into him and told him to move back in.
So now, my boyfriend works 7-4, and my ex husband doesn’t work until 2. I’m so stuck. Honestly, I love this man to death. But he can’t be loyal, he can’t stay with one person. He admits that. I don’t know what to do, my boyfriend doesn’t even think anything, but my conscience is killing me. Everyday I literally lock myself in my room until the baby comes because I know I’m going to want to go into his bed. With us it’s amazing. Nothing in my life compares to this feeling with him. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend because he’s a good person. I’m so selfish by doing that. I don’t know what to do. For 23 years I’ve loved him, and he loves me, but can’t be faithful. Wtf is that about? Today, he’s in his room, I’m in mine and all I want is to go in there. Help.