“My ex-husband lives with us and I want him”

This is insane. 23 years ago, I got pregnant with a child, and the father was 9 years older than me. He was a felon just released on parole, and I was a 16 year old in a catholic school. I truly loved him and married him at 18.

He did go back to prison and for the next 10 years, he was in and out of prison.  I continued on with life, and got married to another man, and had another child. Since then, I divorced him, and moved back home. My child’s father became a big part of life  and has totally changed his life for the better, he has an amazing job, and for the first time in his life is stable. We have always remained in contact, however he did not have visits with my child, as prison wasn’t somewhere I’d want her to be, and he knew that it’d not be good for her. I have always written to him and always have been there for him.

For our daughter’s 16th birthday we had a  surprise party, both of us got drunk and ended up sleeping together. For me it brought back a lot of memories and a lot of feelings, so I had to end it immediately and only talk on the phone . I did that until graduation, then the same thing happened. No one knew anything, especially our daughter.

My parents passed away a year ago which was absolutely devastating to me, my father took care of my house and repairs and I needed my bathroom done, so he agreed to do it.

I have been with my current boyfriend for about 3 years, we live together, he’s a good person and he loves me with everything he has. I love him, but I’m not in love with him. That’s always been the problem. He is friends with my ex-husband. They get along really well and things have always been okay with those two. Last year, our daughter had an issue, my ex husband and his girlfriend broke up, he was moving out and our daughter needed a different place, my ex husband purchased her a home, was remodeling it and needed a place to stay. He moved in with us…damn.

At first it was okay, I had no problems, until we went together to get my grandson. I have him all day, sometimes he’s here days at a time, and I cannot stop thinking about the what if’s. I ended up fucking around with him, and felt terrible. He moved out two days later, we didn’t talk for 3 months and then my boyfriend ran into him and told him to move back in.

So now, my boyfriend works 7-4, and my ex husband doesn’t work until 2. I’m so stuck. Honestly, I love this man to death. But he can’t be loyal, he can’t stay with one person. He admits that. I don’t know what to do, my boyfriend doesn’t even think anything, but my conscience is killing me. Everyday I literally lock myself in my room until the baby comes because I know I’m going to want to go into his bed. With us it’s amazing. Nothing in my life compares to this feeling with him. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend because he’s a good person. I’m so selfish by doing that. I don’t know what to do. For 23 years I’ve loved him, and he loves me, but can’t be faithful. Wtf is that about? Today, he’s in his room, I’m in mine and all I want is to go in there. Help.

4 thoughts on ““My ex-husband lives with us and I want him”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Your ex is a form of excapism. He’s also polyamourus and you may be as well. Look into that. I would look into local counceling however. You have thought this out well and are a smart woman to recognize a issue at hand. I believe you can rise above this. One thing is for sure. He needs to find a new place to live. He doesn’t want to be only with you and your boyfriend isn’t ployamourus.

    Also look into mother’s day out at local churches. See if you can at least escape the house. You might be able to volunteer at one with the baby and get some social time with other mother’s and grandmothers. Part of the escapism you need is just being with adults.

    Good luck and best wishes!

  2. Anonymous says:

    And one more thing. Try out sex toys and masterbate every time you get the urge to. That will cut down on trying to hop in his bed.

    • Yours says:

      I thank you. I have always been in love with him. But my life was at a different spot than his. He wasn’t stable, he was in prison or whatever. I married a man for my daughter’s sake to have a family. Yes it’s wrong. I also had a family that can’t stand him because he wouldn’t stop getting into trouble. Now my parents are gone, my siblings are very nice to him. My boyfriend is a great guy. I git into this situation when my parents died as well. We were best friend that ended up in bed together because I couldn’t deal with things. He’s always loved me. I know I’m not doing him any favors by continuing to be with him. I love him for everything he’s done for me and my daughter and he was there when many people weren’t. I don’t want to hurt him at all. It’s not fair I realized this. My ex husband and I, I don’t know but we have something that doesn’t go away. When we talk I can talk for hours, without sex. I believe he loves me but he says he can’t be tied down. His ideal life would be us living together and not caring what goes on outside our home. His mother was like that. And this isn’t ok with me. But I love him so much. I can’t stay away from him we have a daughter. We do things together for her and my grandson. He’s everywhere I am. Idk I’ve never loved anyone this way. Never been in love with anyone else. It’s I don’t want to share my husband if we got back together. I know I need to do something. But I also know this feeling doesn’t go away. It never has

  3. Anonymous says:

    I think you should cut out any relationship with your ex- husband. You haven’t had feelings ever since you stopped talking to him, you even had another boyfriend and another child. Whenever he comes along, you start to have feelings for him again. Unless you’re sure you can be with him 100%, I don’t think trying is worth you getting hurt. Also, for the current boyfriend thing. He’s in love with you, and you aren’t in love with him. Do you think it’s because of your ex- husband or because that’s just the way it is? If it’s just the way it is, then you need to be clear to him, because it’s inevitable for him to get hurt if you don’t love him as much as he loves you. If it’s because of your ex- husband, it’s up to you to decide if whether you should cut out contact with him and try your current relationship again, or if you want to keep things the way they are. It’s also very un- fair for your current boyfriend to be completely 100% for you, when you have a guy other than him on your mind. It’s natural, it’s happened to me before, but it it unfair. Also, about the loyalty issue. Love is love. If your ex- husband really wants to be with you and is devoted to loving you, then he would be willing to love you unconditionally without cheating on you. No one is “forced” to cheat, or like no one’s destiny is to not be loyal. I don’t know if you get what I’m saying. If you think he loves you enough, then follow your heart. I know you shouldn’t stay with a man you don’t love that much, but if you’re stopping yourself because of your ex- husband then you should stay with him. If not, it’s up to you. Sorry the comment was all over the place, it might not be understandable. Forward me back if you have any questions. I hope all works out well, and be true to yourself and protect yourself and your daughter before anything else.

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