“He loves his friends more than me”

I don’t know how to start this, but I think it’s best if you know as much detail as possible.
I’ve been with my current partner for just over two years, I am 23 and he is 19, almost 20. I have a 4 year old son, who’s father is my ex.

At the beginning of our relationship, I discovered he was still actively using a dating app because he was unsure if ‘we’d work out’. He was also deleting messages from his ex. This situation was confronted and quickly forgiven. I absolutely adore him, and as cliche as it sounds, he came in to my life when I needed someone very badly (I suffer with depression). Like I said, I adore him. Yet recently I’ve noticed some things that are bringing up red flags. Recently, as in the last year or so. He makes no effort to plans things with me, days out; holidays; an evening meal (all of which are rare because he’s a full time mechanic and I work as a waitress during his free time at the weekend). However, he is ALWAYS making plans with his friends. I’m happy he has time to see his friends, I don’t get to see mine much and it upsets me; something I don’t want for him.

During the week, I cook dinner for us and time it as best I can for when he gets home from work, usually between 6-6.30. He will text me on almost all the days saying he will be late because he’s seeing his friends. I put the dinner aside, he comes home late (10.30-11pm) and it doesn’t get eaten. I pay for all the food shopping; almost £70 a week. Yeah, £70 a WEEK. Let’s bear in mind I work part time and solely provide for my son.

He complains daily that he doesn’t have any money, especially when I suggest we do something together. Then in a heart beat, he has the money to do things with his friends. For example, he’s currently in Amsterdam for the week. Of all places, Amsterdam? What he did at the beginning of our relationship has made it difficult for me to trust him 100%,  so this destination has cut me up.

We went to a holiday park for our 2 year anniversary, we were there just for the weekend. He wouldn’t spend his money if he could help it, but because I wanted to do things I would pay for it. I spent roughly £300 that weekend. He paid maybe £100… but has taken £600 to Amsterdam.
I’m hard work. I’m needy and I’m paranoid and I’m nervous. I try my best to not let it show and give him the freedom he needs while he’s on holiday. He won’t text me unless I text him. If it was the other way around and I was on holiday, I would message him daily (in the morning or evening) to make sure he’s okay or to tell him I love him; because I do. Very much.

I know I too have my faults, but I make sure that I consider him in everything I do. I think about him, I make time for him and I show him that I love him. For his birthday I’ve ordered 3 concert tickets for one of his favourite artists, I don’t want to go, it’s not my thing. I text him and told him I got 3 so he could take a couple of friends. I told him the date and time so he could book it off work ASAP. He read the message, but he didn’t reply.
I don’t know what to do, I really do love him but I know his actions aren’t right.

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2 thoughts on ““He loves his friends more than me”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Yes, you do. You leave and show your son that this isn’t how you treat other human beings. Get professional counceling and move on with your life. The boy you date won’t treat you better and will only feed you lies. Stop taking care of two children. I’m not going to call him a man, because he’s not. He see’s a desperate woman who thinks she can’t do better. Meanwhile he’s on the lookout for his next victim.

    Move on. Aim higher. You deserve better.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Look, this moocher, is just making your life harder and using your very limited resources. What you describe is a desperate, obsession vs. Actual love. At some point you’re going to get mad and you should. You and your son deserve better.

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