I have been married to my husband for almost 6 years. We got together when he was still in the military. He was my first everything and I love him with all my heart. However, as much as I love him I can’t trust him. I have caught him over several occasions talking inappropriately to other girls on phone and going on Craigslist look at personals. I don’t think he has done anything physical because I am constantly with him and I always know where he is. He constantly tells me how much he loves and how happy he is with me and I want to believe him because he has done so much for me.
In the past two years he has supported me so I could go to school full time so I could finally finish my degree. I have put my education on hold when he was evacuated from overseas and experiencing medical conditions. Anyway I graduate in May but there are times where he holds it over my head saying that he has paid for my education. In reality I took out loans in my own name.
He made it so I didn’t have to work which I am more appreciative for than he will ever know. I try to show this to him by doing things to help him: I pack his lunch everyday, I put out his badge and wallet and keys on the table so he can easily find it when he gets to work, I wait on him hand and foot when he comes home from work because he can’t get his own drink from the fridge. I do all the cooking and cleaning around the house and do other errands that he asks.
I am also the one who takes care of both our dogs when he is the one that wanted them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dogs and they help keep me calm some days. Back to the issue of my trust with him. Due to my trust issues, I constantly have the impulse to check his phone due to I find him being secretive. I have seen him message girls asking for pictures, sending kissy faces.
When I confront him he does one of two things, he explodes where he says everything imaginable to hurt me including putting down my family, and he lashes out and hits me. I have gotten to a point where I’m scared to talk to him if I have a concern.
Or he will deny what I saw in his phone and make it sound like I am making it up. Nothing is ever his fault and things just appears on his phone. Through all this I still love him and he constantly telling me how much he loves me and supports me. He buys me random things to surprise me. I just don’t understand why he would do all those things if he loves me.
I don’t know what to do because he has been all I have known 6 years. We do everything together and until I graduate I have no income. Not that I know much about finances, because my husband has always taken care of everything. I’m just so confused and there are days where I just break down and cry, wondering what I have done wrong.