I am a mother to an infant and had her as a single woman. I moved back to my mom’s, mainly to help her as well. My mom is disabled and needed some help, including financially. I had given up on ever dating another man, as it’s not easy for me to meet others considering how busy I am.
However, that has changed and I have met someone. I knew him from my last job as he worked for a company that mine dealt with. Nothing ever happened during that time, we had never even met in person. He has recently reconnected with me and we hit it off! He is literally the man of my dreams. My mom has always told me that she doesn’t want to hold me back from happiness yet gets upset when I go on a date with this man. She says that because I am a mother, that my place is at home. My child will always come first no matter what. My mom constantly lectures me and orders me around the house. When I try to tell her that it upsets me when she does that, she brushes me off like a child. I am 30 years old. I asked why she does not lecture my brothers who live outside the home. She stated that they do not live with her. So according to my mom, because I live with her, that she’s entitled to boss me around and try to control my life.
When I lived on my own for 11 years, my mom never did these things. I am to the edge now. I want to be happy in life and have a family like I have always dreamed of. I feel like my mom is holding me back. I just don’t know what to do anymore and seriously need advice.
One thought on ““My mom is holding me back””
Talk to your brothers and let them know what’s going on and that you need help taking care of your mother, so you don’t feel guilty for leaving the house. It’s time to move out again. You’re not a child and shouldn’t be made to feel like one. Since she can’t disconnect this then something has to give and that will be the easiest solution short of years of family counseling. You also need to look into getting her some care outside the home. Ask around for that. She might also be lonely. Senior centers, and volunteering (baby cuddling at a local hospital, cat cuddling at a shelter, ect.) may be a good out for her to make more connections.
You’ve worked hard and it’s time to stop taking the world on your shoulders. It’s super hard to be a double care taker, especially when one is borderline abusive. That’s another thing, has her doctor checked for early adult onset dementia or alzheimers? It’s at least something to check up on.