“He forced anal on me”

I’m sorry in advance if this is a little graphic. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year. We both agreed that anal sex was not something we were interested in. But about 2 weeks ago, he inserted his finger into my anus during sex. I told him it hurt, and he said that he wanted to do anal and we would have to start there.

The next night he asked if he could put his penis in it if he was gentle. I said no, but he did it anyway. I tried to get away, but he held me down, I was crying but he kept going harder. After it was done, he acted like everything was normal, so I assumed that he was oblivious to how much it hurt because we have kind of rough sex anyway.

Then the following night we got in an argument and I was lying on the bed. He grabbed my hair and put two fingers in violently. I was yelling for him to stop, but he just kept going harder. He did apologize afterward, because he did it because he was mad, and he knew it hurt. I’ve been seeing a lot that of that men being forceful when it comes to anal is fairly common. Please tell me what you think because I’m just confused.

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15 thoughts on ““He forced anal on me”

  1. Anonymous says:

    You’ve been raped and sexually assaulted. Get out of this relationship now and seek professional counciling. That man doesn’t even care you were in pain. It’s only his pleasure he cares for.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    Yes, this is called “rape.” Please get out of this relationship now. You may want to consider calling the authorities about this, too. I know it’s difficult, but this isn’t something to be taken lightly.

  3. Carli L says:

    Ugh I absolutely HATE reading this. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but that is 100% rape and it will continue and escalate if you do not get out of this situation. He is not a man you want to be with. He needs to respect you at ALL times. I’m so sorry, but I hope you take care of yourself and leave that situation in the dust.

  4. stephania722 says:

    Sometimes it doesn’t seem obvious when you’re in a long-term, committed relationship, but your boyfriend has raped you. You did not agree to this, you expressed your negative feelings, and he went ahead anyway.

    Break it off with him. He does not respect you enough to respect your boundaries. He may try to explain himself, but did it mean anything in the moment to him? It sounds like it did not.

    There are plenty of men and people out tjere who will respect both you and your boundaries. Do not stand for those who won’t. Best of luck to you.

  5. thewintersdance says:

    Yes. That is rape. You need to get out of that. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Your NO, should be accepted as such. Much love and light to you. And NO, that is not normal at all.

  6. Anonymous says:

    I am so very sorry that you had to endure that experience. You did not give your consent, and as others have said, that makes it rape. Please leave the relationship because it will not get better. Also, please consider talking to someone you trust or, if you are in the U.S., calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline (it is confidential and they can offer support and resources to help you). The website is https://www.rainn.org/ and the toll-free phone number is 1-800-656-4673. This is not normal behavior, it is a crime. Please take care of yourself.

  7. Carly says:

    First of all, I’m incredibly sorry to hear that you wen through something so traumatic. I actually cried while reading through your post. You were violated and raped by someone that took full advantage of your trust and his position as your significant other but make no mistake- this was RAPE.

    You specifically told him no and he did it anyway (while you were crying, trying to get away and saying no), that is beyond disturbing. I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult to come to terms with the fact that a boyfriend raped you, but this is what happened and you need to realize that these types of behavior will only escalate in the future.

    He had now tested your reaction to this TWICE. What do you think he’ll do next? I pray you do not stick around to find out. l

  8. Anonymous says:

    I agree with everyone above. That is rape. It’s not ok in any sense of the word. Get out. What he did to you is assault. Like everyone else said, call someone you trust. Get therapy. And get OUT!

  9. James says:

    That’s not borderline behavior – it’s despicable. A good person would never treat someone else like that. Personally, as a man, I never want to engage in anything my woman isn’t into. And I think THAT is the norm, NOT the behavior you described. Sorry you experienced it.

    Dump him and please report him so he thinks twice before he assaults the next woman he comes across. I hope the next partner you find truly cares about you.

    Good for you for speaking up!

  10. Anonymous says:

    Leave him. Report him. He is vial and you did NOTHING wrong. Sending love and strength your way.

  11. peaceandwanderlust says:

    That is NOT normal behavior and you are not at fault for his choice to take advantage of you and ignore your very clear “NO”.

    But take responsible for yourself and your well-being now and leave him – for GOOD. No second chances. And once you do then report him.

    I am genuinely sorry and I hope you know and believe you deserve worlds better than this. Don’t get used to it, because as I and others have said, this is NOT the norm even for those who enjoy sex a little rougher. Your boundaries should still be respected – always, not with occasional exceptions.

  12. Kelly. says:

    Girl.. That is rape and he has no fucking respect for you or your feelings and well being. Leave him. It will only get scarier. That’s really messed up. Console in a close friend or your mom. That’s totally messed up sweetie I really hope you’re okay. He is a sociopath and needs to be taught a lesson a girl obviously can’t teach him because he’s a perverted inconsiderate person.

  13. hollyharrisdesigns says:

    THIS IS ABSOLUTELY RAPE!!! It is up to you to determine what level of justice to pursue but the most loving thing you can do for yourself immediately is talk to loved ones, get support, and GET AWAY FROM THAT MAN! There are support organizations like RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) at 800.656.4637 to offer help and answer questions about what to expect if you press charges. Love yourself, save yourself and know a good man will smear your lipstick, not your mascara!

  14. yeahbutwhatif says:

    You need to get away from him now. That is rape, pure and simple. Even outside of that, if he is willing to do anything to you because he knows it will hurt you when he is mad then you need to question what the next step will be. Get out of that situation now and find people to help.

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