I am a bad guy. I have made some horrible decisions. And I am beginning to believe, despite laughing off even the thought this was possible, I have an addiction that is taking over my life.
I am very afraid I have a sex addiction. I’m married over 20 years. We have had a few problems over the years, but nothing close to serious… in fact, our problems/arguments are probably less frequent than the average married couple. Sex life is also pretty good. For a while, I thought our sex life was boring. I pursued other women. As embarrassing as it is, I hired escorts. I have hired numerous escorts over the last several years. I have even fallen in love (or at least developed deep feelings) for one. The sex… with others, to be honest… it is more enjoyable with my wife. Frankly, she is better in bed. In fact, she’s become more adventurous, which is a positive to me. Basically, I have a good marriage, good sex life. But I feel this need to stray. Obviously, it’s a voluntary choice I make. But it feels like a need… and it is a need I want to eliminate.
Is there really such a thing as a sex addiction? I do not understand… it feels like a need I can’t control but it also feels like I can’t control it. While I enjoy the sex with the escorts, I enjoy the closeness more than the sex. I realize this makes me a horrible person. And I truly want to stop but it feels like I cannot.