“Am I a sex addict?”

I am a bad guy. I have made some horrible decisions. And I am beginning to believe, despite laughing off even the thought this was possible, I have an addiction that is taking over my life.

I am very afraid I have a sex addiction. I’m married over 20 years. We have had a few problems over the years, but nothing close to serious… in fact, our problems/arguments are probably less frequent than the average married couple. Sex life is also pretty good. For a while, I thought our sex life was boring. I pursued other women. As embarrassing as it is, I hired escorts. I have hired numerous escorts over the last several years. I have even fallen in love (or at least developed deep feelings) for one. The sex… with others, to be honest… it is more enjoyable with my wife. Frankly, she is better in bed. In fact, she’s become more adventurous, which is a positive to me. Basically, I have a good marriage, good sex life. But I feel this need to stray. Obviously, it’s a voluntary choice I make. But it feels like a need… and it is a need I want to eliminate.

Is there really such a thing as a sex addiction? I do not understand… it feels like a need I can’t control but it also feels like I can’t control it. While I enjoy the sex with the escorts, I enjoy the closeness more than the sex. I realize this makes me a horrible person. And I truly want to stop but it feels like I cannot.

4 thoughts on ““Am I a sex addict?”

  1. Cynthia says:

    Well, my comment is pretty much the same as above. You are not a bad guy. You are not a horrible person. Yes, what you are doing would be considered bad, likely even horrible, but that doesn’t make you bad or horrible. Just what you are doing. There is a difference.
    And speaking as a partner of a sex addict, it is not a change you can make on your own without help and support. It is a change you can make for your marriage, but most importantly for yourself. There is hope and freedom for you. Take it!!

  2. Anonymous says:

    Is it the sex that you’re actually addicted to? If I get you right, your sex life with your wife is actually pretty decent, regular,and adventurous. (Haha many of us married guys would love if that were the case for us).

    You said that you enjoy the closeness. So my question to you would be… What is missing from your current situation that leads you to look for closeness through sex? Is sex merely the vehicle that you are using to experience some other sort of emotion?

  3. justinloogen says:

    I can definitely understand what you are saying. I also have a great sex life with my fiancé and I don’t enjoy sex with others as much as with her. (We’ve tried swinging) but today she found my secret email and I am facing a realization that my darkest secret has come to light and that I am also a sex addict, although I do not act on it. I am regularly on Craigslist replying to ads and sharing fantasies with strangers.
    For me it is not the sex but the fantasy of sex with others that has me hooked.

    I feel like the scum of the earth and it truly breaks my heart that this beautiful person ended up with me, she deserves so much more in life.

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