“I want my girlfriend back so much”

My girlfriend recently broke up with me after we were in the most ideal and wonderful relationship. We’re both seventeen, and maybe it was just us being young, but even people around us have commented that we seemed to have some sort of deeper connection, and the whole thing felt very soulmate-ish, if that makes sense.

The thing is, that we’re both girls, and things started to go downhill after my parents found out. They’re really conservative and religious, and I had to leave my house for a while. I was never really very close with my parents; they’re emotionally abusive and my mom is a narcissist. I could deal with my parents not approving, because really I don’t care what they think.

She is not like that, and she’s really close with her family. Her mom found out, and she was not happy. Ever since then, she’s been acting weird and one day she told me she was aromantic (I already knew she was asexual and that was okay, but she told me she felt romantically attracted to me and that she loved me). I asked her if all I was to her was a friend then, and she said “Not really, I mean, you were much more than that”.

I have a feeling she’s working through things right now and coming to terms with everything, but what do I do? I love her so much and I can see that she cares about me too. Every so often I’ll catch her looking at me in class or slipping up and saying things like “when we go there one day”, as though we’re still together. My heart feels like it’s so, so broken, and I don’t know if I should accept what she’s said and move on or wait for her to sort things out and maybe she might want to get back with me. There’s no one like her – no one with as much of the galaxy in their soul, and I’m so happy I at least had the time I did with her. She wrote songs for me and I drew flowers for her. She helped me edit my poems, and I taught her how to make paper airplanes. If I ever get with anyone else they either will be her or won’t be, and I don’t know which one is worse. Sorry this is so long, and thank you for reading if you did.

2 thoughts on ““I want my girlfriend back so much”

  1. wanderingmarten says:

    Uff…Look, this might not be what you want to hear. But You are 17. Can i make a guess, that was a first significant relationship you ever had as well? There is a god reason why first love is romanticized. Because it is special, like all the first times. Ask anyone about their first love, most often than not ( if it did not end in a horrible experience ) they will get the sweet glazed over look in their eyes and remember it with fondness. However it is very rare that first relationships ever work out. And that is ok. You are not alone in this. And frankly, even though i am CERTAIN that you genuinely feel that way now – trust me – you will meet quite a few people in your life who will have that much “of the galaxy in their soul” (beautifully said btw). They will be different galaxies, but not any less beautiful because of it. You are Young, and in love, and it’s hard. Again, everyone goes trough it. Everyone get’s over it. I can relate to her feelings too, i was in a relationship, that my parents did not approve of. And it was extremely hard on me. Family, and their approval is a vary strong force in once life. Best decision for you now, is to probably give it time. Don’t wait to “get back together” don’t expect it. Try to get over it. Sorry to say, but more likely than not, it is not going to happen. Stay friends, Be nice, If you feel like you can’t deal with your emotions, Let her know, Tell her you need some distance to get over it, and that it doesn’t mean you are angry, just hurt. That is ok to say, because it is the truth. And try to move on with your life, hang out with friends without her, Gt a hobby, join a club, or something, to take your mind of it, and meet other people. Not for dating, just for distraction. Try to learn to enjoy your life without her. Maybe, You both just need time and it’ll sort it self out. Who knows? But the best thing for you both now is to give it time and space, and don’t put any pressure on it. Try to move on. There is no such thing as “the one”. People grow, change and you will too. She might seem like your soul mate right now, but life moves forward, and change – no matter how heartbreaking at the moment – Only leads to good. Best of luck.


  2. Anonymous says:

    That’s a lot to process through. internet hugs

    First off “we were in the most ideal and wonderful relationship” is putting a human being on a pedistle and no one can live up to that. Human beings make mistakes and can’t live up to any ideal ever.

    Second for help with a narcissistic parent, try googling “help with a narcissistic parent/mother” and you’ll find several sites to help you. Right now you can’t move out, but as soon as you can do so. At the moment you may have to do what you would do if she had Alzheimers and dementia and just agree with whatever she says even if she’s hurling insults at you. You can not “win” against a narcissist. Also, make sure to document everything. Narcissists typically run smear campaigns against their victims. A journal will be a nice outlet to complain to and take some pressure off yourself. I had a friend who took up jogging to just get out of the house. I personally took up jobs and every after school activity I could to get away from narcissistic siblings. Eventually had to cut all contact with my biological father who was narcissistic and bi-polar.

    Back to your girlfriend, she may not be done for years with finding out about herself. College is a great time to get to know other lesbians and you are going to change a lot then. It’s hard right now, but better times are on the way. I wish you the best.

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